I’m often told that it’s just a phase. I’ll change my mind when I’m older, it’s just a part of life. But the fact of the matter is, as of now, I just don’t want to have kids.
I know. *Gasp* How could I, a woman, not want to bear and raise children? Isn’t it in my blood? My heart and soul?
Honestly?
...No. It’s never been a dream of mine to have little me’s running around. I don’t know, maybe it’s a gene that I don’t have that causes me to lack this desire. Maybe it’s just because I’m only 19 and my logical side overpowers my biological side. But I’ve never looked at a mother and child relationship and thought to myself, “I want that someday.”
My mom is awesome. She’s my best friend, and one of the best role models I could ask for. So, could I, theoretically, raise a child? Yes. I had the best examples as parents to show me how it’s done. But when I’ve pictured myself achieving my goals and dreams, kids have just never been drawn into that picture. Disclaimer: I may someday change my mind. My path could change and lead me in the direction of having my own family, but that just isn’t where I’m aiming to go.
It always bothers me when people undermine my statement, “I don’t want kids.” They basically tell me not to be silly, and that I’m destined to be a mom, as if it’s my social and biological obligation to leave a living piece of myself behind. But thats the thing, I’m not obligated to do anything at all. It’s assumed that I’ll have children because it’s the general social norm for women. But I see myself being independent. I see myself leaving behind legacies that aren’t physical, but are lasting. I see myself giving all of my energy to pursuing my own passions and dreams, rather than the ones I’m made to feel like I should have.
Children are expensive, and not just financially. Women literally grow these tiny humans inside their bodies, and it doesn’t come without a cost. It doesn’t come without pain, discomfort, sickness, fatigue, hormonal changes, and extreme commitment. But my body was not just made to grow a tiny human. It was made to climb mountains and dance and travel, and do all of the things that I love to do, under no obligation at all. It was not made for someone else to tell me what I should be doing with it. If I decide to have kids someday, I will be giving up that complete independence, because it will not be solely my decision anymore. The tiny human that grows using my energy will have just as much of a say as I do.
Aside from the physical tax of having a child, their emotional imprints are about as temporary as tattoos. Parents take their child’s influences to the grave, whether they are good or bad. I’ve never seen a deeper bond than between a parent and a child, and I don’t believe one exists. The child’s decisions direct their parents’ emotions, causing them to lose that independence as well. The terrifying thing about a child is that they have the complete and total power to ruin their own lives without even knowing it. They have complete and total power to make their parents’ worst nightmares come true.
So, I don’t see the logic behind the doubt people express to me. It’s not a form of progressive, social, feminist based rebellion. It’s a decision that I value the freedom to make. There are so many things that I want to be. “Mom” just hasn’t quite made that list.
