THERE. I said it. I have aspirations of being a
BABY MAMA
Who had a heart attack already?? No, but really, I'm 22 and I can't wait to be a "baby mama." But, rather than use language steeped in slight racism and heavy sexism, I'll say it straight: I can't wait to be a mother (I'm not pregnant!).
What's intriguing to me is that unlike other aspirations, aspiring to be a wife and mother are not as impressive as perhaps desiring to be a doctor, lawyer, business owner, so on and so forth. I get ALL the sideways looks when I tell someone that marriage and kids are among my top priority. I often get the same timeless response: WHAT? YOU HAVE YOUR WHOLE LIFE? YOU'RE SO YOUNG. The tone is what kills me. That disapproving, almost disgusted tone of "that's what you want?" I get it from married, single, older, and younger folks. Mostly young and single, to be honest.
There is nothing wrong with you desiring a family [and spouse]
At a "young age." I can't think of better things to want in life. Male or female, it's natural to want that. Unfortunately, we're knee deep in this hookup culture mess and it puts family and marriage at the bottom of the totem pole; those things aren't important and are much less desirable. God forbid a twenty-something wants anything other than parties or serial relationships. I think the danger is WHY do you desire those things? Perhaps if you're looking for a baby/spouse to complete you, then that's a little alarming. You're wonderful and whole as you are! Your family simply complements you. It goes without saying that of course you need to be in an ideal emotional, physical, and financial state prior to starting a family, but no one's ever really "ready" for what they've never experienced. The universe knows. All in due time, right? But if you're like me scrolling through family photos and proposals on Tumblr, don't let folks make you feel like your dreams are less than!
We tend to think of having a family as an END...
Instead of understanding that having a family is a new chapter in the same book; not a new book with a dreadful plot. Gotta be doing it wrong! There are so many happy parents who see it as nothing short of a blessing. But, once again the culture has shifted its outlook on family. If you reach back to my very first article on celibacy I talked about how parenthood can be stressful without two parents in the picture (re: waiting to have sex is a good choice). I am not a single parent, but I was raised by one. My mama had two kids and made it work! She has always told me motherhood was very enjoyable, though, despite the challenges of doing it solo for awhile. Not to discredit the challenges of parenthood, but it just isn't a dread in my eyes. Difficult, yes. A prison sentence? No. Your priorities do shift, but Mrs. Hadley (my mama) said her life did NOT stop with my lil' big head in the equation. All about perspective.
Being a parent is a job
That does NOT get enough credit! My boyfriend and I talk about that all the time, y'all. I am very vocal about my desire to pause "working" and raise my kids for the first few years. Even without my own employment freedom, I still want to raise my kids because it's a job that I don't want to pay anyone else to do. When folks respond as though you want to be JUST a mom, I am snatched! Just?! Do y'all know what it takes to be a mother? I will gladly take on that full-time job because that's exactly what it is. Everyone is different; that's just my own perspective. But let's not reduce being a mother/parent to a half-wit responsibility that requires little effort.
But, to keep it light and short if you know me you know I very much so want three little "Tates" running rampant along with a happy marriage and lifelong adventure. No shame in my game, it's just how it is. So, I want to be a "baby mama." How YOU doin'?
