There are moms who are majestic. You see them out shopping at outdoor malls or at the doctor’s office. They’re perfectly dressed, cute jeans and a feminine top, a maxi dress or even a romper. Always in wedges, the perfect heel for motherhood. I am not that mother. I am a mother who struggles with self care. My children are always clean, except for occasionally a messy face from a meal. Hair fixed, dressed age appropriately, no holes or stains. I gave up on coordinating my boy/girl twins their first year, but sometimes it’s a happy accident. I put my effort there. I know I put too much of my effort there and often ignore myself. I shouldn’t.

When you leave the hospital with your babies they warn you about post-partum depression and baby blues and advise all mothers to shower and groom every day, to make yourself feel more “human”. I kept it up for a while. My mother lived with my then husband for months and I did shower every day. Now my tiny people are 3 years and some change and I do not shower every day. I shower and wash my body a lot more than I wash my hair. I understand why mom’s cut their hair off after kids. Less to wash, but the maintenance of haircuts and styling keeps mine long, full of dry shampoo and usually in a bun. Make up remover wipes, dry shampoo and I go way back. They got me through late nights in the studio in college and now they are getting me through motherhood.

Self care is something I’m actively working on. I buy nice shampoo and conditioner, since I only use it once a week it, it is pretty cost effective. I have French skin care, and nice make up, so when I do actually have just a little bit left after a day of work, commuting and twin wrangling, grooming is very rewarding. When I do dedicate time to myself and feeling pretty, I often wonder why I don’t do this more often, but I know why. I’ve always struggled with it. My whole life. I don’t want my children to see that. It is irresponsible to paint an image for your children of something that isn’t real, but my life could be more balanced. Don't get me wrong my children make me incredibly happy, but I know that one day they will move out and start their own lives and I need to still know how to curl my own hair and slay some winged liner like I have my whole life before they came along. For now I won't fill my brows, or fix my dry shampoo filled hair everyday, but making them a part of beauty rituals like soaking and scrubbing my feet when we have time just to ourselves makes me more focused. I am worth the time it takes to do it. I am their mother and I am important.