As pretty much everyone in my life knows by this point, I have epilepsy. I was diagnosed with it back in May of 2015 on Mother’s Day weekend (I know, I know, I have really awful timing). I got to spend that whole weekend in the hospital with a slightly bloodied up face, instead of going to work as planned. It was Mother’s Day that my doctor finally came in and told us that I had epilepsy, something completely unknown before. Pretty much the biggest bombshell, though, was that I would be losing my license for six months at the very least.

Now, consider my position. I was lying in a hospital bed with a doctor whose name I didn’t even know telling me that I would lose my license because of something no one understood. To this day, actually, it’s still unknown exactly what triggers my seizures. The biggest thing: I was losing my license. I was a senior in high school with one month left and I was losing my license. To me, at that moment in time, it felt like my life was pretty much over. Six months seemed like a long time (and trust me, they were long months). I had to be chauffeured to and from school and work. While that may sound like the life…it sucked.

A license is a symbol of freedom, especially when you’re in high school. I look back and I look goofy in my picture for sure and want a new one already, but I want my license back plain and simple. Without it, you pretty much can’t do much without walking. So, I can’t do anything without it.

My six months were supposed to be up in November, and the plan was that I would be getting my license back around my birthday in December, which was also when I would be coming home for winter break. I got it around my birthday, had it for two weeks, and then lost it again right after Christmas. As you can guess, I’ve had a pretty awful past year.

This year was important to me, though, because it taught me a lot. My epilepsy is the reason it taught me a lot. It taught me not to take things for granted, because you don’t ever know what the next day will bring to you. My seizures have typically happened at night, which means that while I can go to bed fine, waking up in the morning can be a potentially different story. I don’t really take anything for granted anymore. When I do get my license back, my focus is going to be on how happy I am that I have it back, not the nihilistic view of when I’ll lose it again.

This past year has also shown me who really does care about me. Family members and friends who I haven’t seen in a while will ask me how my epilepsy has been when they finally see me. One of my old coworkers will ask me how I’ve been doing whenever she sees me, and she’s very obviously thrilled when I tell her that my six months is almost up. It makes me happy to see who really cares about my wellbeing.

One of the most influential things in my life was completely unplanned, but has been one of the most impactful things as well and has enabled me to grow as a person.