My mental health is confusing, and quite possibly dangerous. I’ve come to learn, if I don’t pay it consistent enough attention, it will run rampant. I, on the other hand, wouldn’t receive a single notification.
One thing that I have learned about my mental health is that, if I find myself sinking into a river of depression, I’ll never know until I float. This may take days, or it may take weeks. Either way, I am oblivious to it all.
I’ve solved this problem by sitting out during the days I feel depleted of energy. My body is clearly trying to tell myself something and, instead of ignoring it throughout the day, I spend the entire day addressing it. This isn’t at all about giving into the pressure of wanting to stay home. That would entail staying in bed and ignoring the conversation I should have with myself.
Instead, in exchange for allowing my mind a break from the world, I ask for a conversation. I somehow find the courage to sit in the silence where me and myself talk. We dive into the compartmentalized emotions and pick them apart until there isn’t any room for misunderstandings. I quickly find whatever is eating away at my emotional energy, and I discard it. I find every single negative thought that I may have, and I explain to myself that they aren’t at all rational.
Before, any talk of my mental health was embarrassing. For some reason, a part of me hated admitting to others that some days were more difficult than others. Obviously, it’s not something I throw out into the open. Rather, within context, I openly discuss the methods I use to make sure that my emotions are balanced.
My mental health days are important, and I’m not ashamed to say so. It’s thanks to these days that I am able to read myself like I would a book. I can’t hide from myself, nor do I allow myself to. I am conscious of every single detail about my emotional and physical behavior.
I think everyone should take a moment to give themselves the time of day. We can’t spend our lives ignoring our own mental conditions under the assumption that we are fine because our own minds will hide from us if it feels the need to. We shouldn’t give our minds that opportunity. We shouldn’t give ourselves such apathy.
