I write this with a heavy heart.
Yes, I know about guilt. I know what it's like to hold guilt inside of you, like a lump in your throat that never goes away. The way it can't leave your mind no matter how much you try to divert your mind. How the weight of your mistakes and sins sink deep, deep, inside, and you feel like you can't ever make things right again.
Regret is slightly easier to deal with, in my opinion. With regret, there can be easier flowing apologies, easier promises of amends. Regret is more innocent, pure. Like my mother apologizing for forgetting to take out the lime slice from my dinner plate because I just can't eat warm lime. Or when people notice my abrupt silence and mumble apologies about a speech impediment they have little knowledge of.
Regret isn't like guilt. Guilt festers inside of you like a disease. With guilt, there was no inadvertent harm done...it was all you, and consciously by you. And you know that you could have been bigger than this, a better person than that, but you still did it anyway.
I pray every day that I can become a better person than I was yesterday. I've made plenty of mistakes in the near two decades I've been on this earth. But I promise you that time genuinely heals wounds. Life will go on no matter what you do. There is no need to wallow up in self-pity and self-loathing when you can get up, take a deep breath and let go of the weight. Make your amends, do your best to right your wrongs. But don't be so hard on yourself. The horrid memories will indeed fade away with time. You, and I, we can make good out of our guilt.
We are human beings and we are constantly learning and growing, undergoing personal revolutions as well as just beginning to figure out who we are and what we stand for. We are bound to make mistakes, or make the wrong moves. I personally have made many of them. But wallowing in my guilt and shame has never made things better for me—in fact, it was incredibly toxic for me. It was only when I, with the help of confidantes, realized that there was no point in holding on to such ugly and dark feelings. No point in keeping the shackles on the inside and outside. What I could do was accept the wrongs that were made, create something positive out of them, and move on.
Our days are numbered—and I mean this with absolute sincerity—our days are numbered, so we should try to make amends and live positively and righteously as much as we can. And I promise you, you are more than your mistakes. You are more than your shortcomings and faults. Apologizing for your wrongdoings isn't for the weak—it's for the mentally strong. It's what allows us to mend and reconnect. But don't shut the world out or let your heart grow bitter and tough as a stone. Life, indeed, is far too short to worry about inconsequentials. We can heal and grow from our actions, and embody the change we want for ourselves if only we let go of the weight of guilt and allow ourselves to do so.
