As an African and black American male, I often find myself introspectively wondering what it means to be a "man." Considering expectations of my race, ethnicity, and culture, I have spent a significant portion of my life shying away from any activity/action that felt...non-manly.

I was inspired to pen this poem after I saw the viral video of the martial arts instructor, Jason Wilson, helping a young man work through his emotions during a class at the Cave of Adullam Transformational Training Academy. The Cave of Adullam is a transformational training academy for "boys and young men that are emotionally distressed, physically in debt and mentally discontented." In the video, Wilson makes the point that it is okay for men to cry. He goes on to explain: "Being a black man in this country, you're going to need mental fortitude. You're going to have to be strong [mentally]...more so than [physically]." I was quickly moved by this to reflect on my personal existence as a black boy and what I perceive to be the image of a "real man." This piece is the result of that reflection.

Disclaimer: Seeing as though this is a performance poem, the punctuation is reflective of the intonations that would be made if it were to be performed and therefore does not strictly follow grammar rules. Enjoyeth!

"More Than Half a Man"

I, am a Man.

An adult, human male.

Now as the man I am,

I am, to not emote.

I am, to take it all and bottle it in.

And now, I’ve got, 19 years worth of gallons to spill.

I, am a Man.

And as such, when my old man

Leans in for a hug, I am reluctant.

And, when my best friend, says “goodnight,” I say, “Bro? That’s suspect.”

For the 19 years that I’ve sported this label of “Man,”

The image that I’ve had is that of the macho muchacho.

The man who, does not feel,

The man who, always heals, of any wound.

And with this image, I’ve often felt, out of place,

Someone else, an intruder in my own body.

See, my whole life I’ve been around women.

Strong, independent, resilient, women.

And my whole life I’ve seen how these “women”

Have taken on titles that are so-called, “for men.”

I have seen my mother and aunt become the breadwinners of their households.

I have heard my grandmother speak, to defend her honor.

I have witnessed my little cousin, fight back suppression

And often, I have been at the receiving end of that fight.

Despite, all this, I still held an ideal view of men.

And when, I finally, legally became a “Man, I began to comprehend:

I am, a huMan male, and that's all that means.

So when my old man texted “I love you,”

I simply responded, “Love you” back, without hesitation.

I am a man, yes.

And I emote.

Indeed I feel, and that, so deeply that I sometimes fear expressing those feelings.

Though I am a man, my gallon of emotions will keep on spilling.

Often, when men express their emotions they are said to be acting "like a girl" or a "b***h/p***y" (in reference to women). Undeniably, such language portrays women as inferior and suggests that if you are equated to a woman, you are therefore . Yet, I have personally, and countlessly, seen women achieve amazing feats, in all fields, that would only make their male counterparts wish they were compared to these women.

Thanks to the presence of empowering female role models in my life, I have always had great appreciation for women. Growing up mostly around girls has surely influenced my character but, more importantly, it's allowed me to see how unjust "the system" is towards females. For this reason, I label myself a feminist and strive to not adhere to the status quo in relation to how I treat women.

So, dudes (and anyone who identifies as such), next time you are told that you are acting feminine or have feminine features, simply respond: "What the fuck is feminine, if not a synonym...for strong?" And embrace that shit!