Note: All of these rankings apply to IU, or more broadly, the Midwest region. Yeah, I get it that if you're from LA, these rankings are probably arbitrary because you enjoy 300+ days of sunshine throughout the year anyway, but for us peasants in the Midwest, they are relevant. Anyway, without further ado:
1. October
The perfect month. The temperature is juuuust right. You still get warm days, but for the most part it’s no longer a blistering, humid hell. I don’t sweat through all my shirts while walking to class, and I still have some of my tan from summer. Neat! Plus, Halloween – the best holiday – puts an exclamation mark on a month that I wish could last indefinitely.
2. July
Everything fun happens in July. I would live outdoors for the entire month if I could. The days are long and the nights are even longer. I'm feeling nostalgic just thinking about it. And, of course, blowing up stuff on the Fourth of July is awesome.
3. June
Basically July Jr. So cute! I generally spend this month doing none of the things I told myself I was going to do the month before. It’s finally nice out though, who cares? It's finally summer!
4. December
This month is so high because of Christmas, and that’s pretty much it. Otherwise it’s basically the beginning of the long, hellish slog we all refer to as “winter.” I’m down for one good, solid snow - any more than that is just excessive and awful.
5. September
October’s younger sibling, who admittedly just isn’t as cool. September doesn’t have a sweet holiday or really anything special or unique about it. It’s perfectly average, which when compared to the winter months, is fine.
6. August
The panic month. School starts, and since I haven’t done anything productive over the summer, I have to cram everything into the two weeks before classes begin. It’s August’s fault though, not mine. Also, I think I spend the entire month sweating through everything I own.
7. March, April, May
These months are basically indistinguishable. They might as well be one 92 day super month. If a presidential candidate runs on this platform, they almost certainly will have my vote. Also, this time of the year it rains non-stop, and rain really messes up my hair.
8. November
Thanksgiving is the most overrated holiday by far, and the weather starts to get cold. Sometimes, it’s like 70 degrees though and that’s pretty jarring. I expect consistency or I get severe anxiety. When I think of November, the image in my mind is just the color gray, because that’s when winter begins its stranglehold on our lives for the next five months. November is basically the terminal stage of cancer.
9. February
Might as well be last, but since it’s shorter than January, I gave it the benefit of the doubt. Look, we all know why this month sucks: Valentine’s Day. No one – not even people in relationships – enjoys this month. It’s forced affection. It reminds me of childhood, when my mom would make me put my arm around my sister for family photos. I can do it myself, mom! I don’t need a state-sanctioned holiday to tell me when to show affection. I’m a capable adult!
10. January
If November is the terminal stage of cancer, then January is death. Everyone enters this month with a hangover, so it’s already awful from the get-go, and the lucky few that survive the hangover have three more months of misery before the sun comes out again. That’s not my ideal month. If January were a person, they would be in prison forever. Honestly, does anyone actually leave their bed during January? The Midwest becomes a hellish taiga landscape whenever this month comes barreling in. December is cheery, festive and lovely, and then January comes in like a haymaker to the jaw. I hate January. I hate it so much.
