"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me." -Psalm 28:7

March has slowly become an incredibly hard month for me.

This month marks the anniversaries of two people in my life that has passed. Of course, it is always hard to lose someone. I have my moments, I have nights where I miss the deatly and will wish for their presence once again. But this year seemed to be the hardest.

I lost my roommate two years ago in a car accident. 15 years ago I lost my father due to a heart attack. Between school and internal conflicts I'm battling with each passing day, it's getting harder to keep being encouraged and keep my chin up. It's difficult to strive to do my best in school and keep motivated especially when I wanted to do other less stressful things such as art and clubs. It was my escape, but it came with a price.

I was sinking before I even knew it.

I decided to write about this since this coming week is the anniversary of my roommate's death. She was a lively girl I had only know for a short time, but you bet I treasure every memory I have of he including the good and the bad. The other day, I ran across a song by Lonestar, Instead of skipping it like I usually do, I listened to it.

I remember walking with her one day. It was a beautiful, unusually warm day so we decided to walk to some stores. I remember pulling out my phone and listening to one of Lonestar's songs. I remember her telling me another song by them was her and her boyfriend's song. Since her passing, it had been incredibly hard to listen to Lonestar, as well as any father-daughter song she so well loved. It wasn't until I heard "Winter" by Tori Amos last year that broke that record, but was the only song pertaining to that matter that I listened to.

My father was a songwriter, loved to sing, and was creative. When certain songs come on such as "Band on the Run" by Paul McCartney and Wings or "Sugar Sugar" by The Archies, I will always think of him because he was fond of them.

He never liked it when I cried. When I was young he'd sing to me and I'd cry for no reason. I can't say that I still do, but sometimes the tears flow in silence and reminiscence in the middle of the night.

Perhaps it's been discouragement of recent events that has contributed to exhaustion and loneliness. Maybe it was past losses that fine tuned the melody of a slow theme song. It could very well be both.

I get through this only by the strength of the Lord (Psalm 28:7 NLT). I constantly reminding myself that I am no longer condemned because of Christ (Romans 8:1 NLT). Recently, I drew from Psalm 16 NLT to encourage a friend, but in all honesty my soul needed water from the well too.

I miss them very dearly. I pray they all are in Heaven. I pray and hold onto the hope that they were truly believers, and now they're praising God, the very one I'm drawing my strength from.