As a child, I was fortunate enough to be raised in what would probably be considered an upper-middle class household. Shopping was a time for bonding between my mom and me, and summers were spent on vacations and often at my grandparents lake house (grandparents that are comfortably wealthy). While spending time at the lake, I would go out to dinner or go to the supermarket and we would bump into a friend of theirs. These friends would gush over me and how grown up I had become and then carry on the conversation with my grandmother or grandfather about their recent trip to Europe or Asia. Waking away, my grandparents would always whisper to me, “Oh they inherited millions from their mother who’s the owner of…” or, “ He invented this and made a fortune and…” All of these people seemed to be as kind as any person could be.
This summer, I decided to go live with my grandparents on the lake. I got a job as a waitress at the country club they are members of (and where I often went to dinner, swam at the pool, and golfed with the family at in years prior). I knew going into this job I would learn a lot- about the difficulties of being a server, about how to keep my mouth shut no matter what people said to me, and even maybe some small-town gossip I would’t hear other places. Well, I learned about all of those things, but what have I taken away most from this experience?
Money does not buy class.
Obviously all people are different. Let me begin this thought by saying that by no means am I trying to convey that anyone with any amount of money is a classless jackass. That would be an exceptionally inaccurate as well as ignorant generalization. However some of the people I waited on (who of course did not recognize me from our encounter a year or two ago as the granddaughter of their friend) treated my coworkers and myself as inferior, incompetent, and undeserving of their respect. Upon starting this job, I have had my political opinions insulted, been touched inappropriately by men that could be my grandfather, told I was “too good” to work there, had hands thrown in my face for not predicting every need, and suffered through a multitude of rude and inappropriate comments.
In what world is any of that okay? I wondered about that for a long time (and at times still do struggle with it), but have finally realized that I know the answer. It is the world of entitlement and people everywhere seem to live in it, but for the sake of my own experiences I will stick to the country club setting.
There are certain societal expectations for both members and staff at a country club. As staff we are expected to develop relationships with members, do more than expected when giving service, and speak to members properly (and not tell them that “we have lots of flavors of wine” as one poor soul that is no longer with the club did). In turn, it is expected that members are polite, proper, respectful, and maintain upstanding behavior. Before I started this job, that’s what I saw from other members at the club.
However, on one of my first days a member asked me what I was in school for and I answered that I was in the Journalism school at UNC. His response in front of his entire table was, “Well it does’t get any more damn liberal than that, does it? You don’t believe in all that crap do you? You better not let those stupid Democrats rub off on you!” Excuse me, sir, but half of my family are Democrats and I have been socially liberal all my life. Not only is that a wildly inappropriate setting to discuss politics, but he managed to insult my beliefs, my family, and embarrass me in front of an audience with what was supposed to be an ill-humored joke all while I was there only to refill his sweet tea.
That’s not class.
On three separate occasions I have had three different men make me feel so uncomfortable I had trouble focusing on my job. That is not acceptable. I should not have to go to work and worry about a man at least 40 years my senior pulling on my hair and telling me “I’m in love with you because of those baby blue eyes and those cute little braid of yours.” I should not be walking to check on a table and be stopped by an elderly man who says “Well I haven’t seen you here before! You’re damn gorgeous, I’m requesting you from now on!” followed by a wink and pulling me close and groping my side. I should not be taking an order and have a regular member (that has been suspended from the club before for harassing waitresses) walk past me and grab my side and let his hand linger a little too long. No woman should ever be made to feel uncomfortable because a man feels he has the right to do whatever he pleases.
That’s not class.
One day a man came in demanding a drink. He was loud, crass, and had an air of arrogance I have never seen before. Nothing was good enough for him, he constantly made jokes at the servers expense insulting mostly their appearance and their competence. He cussed my manager and then yelled so loudly the entire dining room could hear, “What are you going to do? I pay to be here. I’ll do whatever the sh*t I want.” He always followed these spectacles with a $30 tip no matter the cost of the meal. Really? You think it’s okay to treat people like that because you throw your money around like that makes you something?
That’s not class.
While all these stories are pertaining to men, don’t think women are excluded from this behavior. They are just as rude, catty, scornful, and impossible to please.
The most amusing part of this whole experience is that if some of these people that acted this way knew or remembered I was the granddaughter of one of their friends or peers in their community, they would never have dreamed of acting so. The infuriating part of that sentiment is that it shouldn’t matter. I am not better than any other server, staff member, or person there, and neither are the members that feel entitled to treat me and my coworkers in such a rude, inferior and degrading way. People are people and more zeros in your bank account does not equate to your class. Just as I have met many golden-hearted people at the country club, I have met an equal number of inspiring, kind, and classy people that also work multiple jobs to provide for their family.
We are all just people living life, interacting with each other, trying to find happiness. I pity those people that walk around using the world as their whipping boy because while it pains me sometimes to keep my mouth shut, I would rather surround myself with people that respect each other as equals. Those others can keep their world of entitlement.
