A few thoughts during my Monday Morning Meditation:
Be mindful of how much (or little) people invest in you and be wary of those who pop up during your success who were nowhere to be found during your struggle.
Move quietly and with purpose, and have that Teddy mindset to "Speak softly and carry a big stick." If you have to shout your stance or opinion, not only will it more than likely fall on deaf ears, even if your point is valid, it will be lost amid uncontrolled emotion.
Forgive, and forgive often. Acknowledge your emotions as the weather: they both change often and without warning. Not giving credence to what you genially feel will allow you to be controlled and consumed by your emotions.
Realize that despite how miserable things may be, if you have a pulse??? That means (in my humble opinion...) God has both a plan and purpose for you and your life. I've lived through enough in the brevity that is 33 years to know that I definitely have some praying folk in my corner, angels protecting me from dangers I'm not even aware of, and that I personally need to be mindful that my relationship with God and the sanctification process (cleaning up my OWN sin while not judging others for theirs...) are more important to me than anything.
You are lying to yourself if you think your kids, alarm, natural body clock ⏰ or whatever else woke you up today. That was a divine blessing no one to this day fully understands and should never be taken for granted. I still quietly lament and morn for dear friends who decided to end their own lives, those who have been murdered over the years in cold blood over a petty argument or those who died seemingly too young and soon. Even when natural death knocked on my family's door when our Matriarch passed away, despite being thankful Aunt Gee was no longer suffering, I had to fully embrace that Death is always around, lurking. We should all be mindful of what we do and DONT do (and who we do and DONT do certain things with 🥴) to make death easier to find us. And death doesn't always mean the cessation of a pulse or brain function; there are a lot of people sleep walking through life and going through the motions alive by definition but dead inside. I know is all too well because I spent the majority of my young adult life doing so.
I love my dad, and it took a LONG time to get here emotionally. It's kinda hard to miss what you never truly had, but find myself missing him more these days and I don't have any actual memory of him. All I have in regards to him are two pictures, a few brief stories and multitude of unanswered questions. Having to figure out how to become a man with so few (black) male role models to whom I could relate and how to constantly defy odds as a black male who has the nerve and audacity to be well-spoken, educated, compassionate, God-fearing and who genially works to show respect to all regardless as to whether that same respect is reciprocated is draining. I am my fathers child bc my mother and I are NOTHING alike lol, and I'm more aware than I openly admit about his complex military life that spilled over into mine in not-so-subtle ways, especially during my mental health journey.
A topic that I've surprisingly seen going around numerous places both inside and outside my circle is the idea that wishing single mothers "happy Father's Day" takes away from fathers in some way. I can understand that mindset at face value, but countless of us simply can't relate to what it is to have a father. And even if your sperm donor IS present in your life in ANY way, that mere presence doesn't make him an actual father; his ACTIONS do. So Yea...I've been wishing Dewaran happy Father's Day my entire life and will continue to do so. My ma is one of the few consistent relationships I've ever had in life and I definitely don't take that for granted.
If you hate or harbor ill-will towards the LGBT community? I honestly don't care who you are or what religion you do or don't agree with, but that mindset is archaic and ignorant. If you have enough time to openly judge and critique how someone expresses love they genially feels for the same sex, Ima keep it 💯: you're prolly low 🔑 mad you aren't brave enough to exit the closet.
Finally, if you been doing the single/solo thing longer than you care to admit? It's better to wait long than marry wrong lol 😂. Don't sell yourself short, settle or compromise your true desires for a HEALTHY relationship for fear of being alone. Before Kanye paid for the plastic surgery his beautiful mother DIDN'T need that had complications that resulted in her death, lyrics like "Learn how to be alone and enjoy the company" were what made him my fave artist before his downward spiral. He and I are both Bipolar, and while I clearly don't know the man, I can relate to the spiral better than I care to admit. And if you DO have a solid thing going with someone? Don't let momentary relationship struggles that were meant to strengthen you all in the long run cause you to step out for a "good time" that results in you squandering a blessing. I can't count the number of times I've endured friends talking about cheating on a good catch bc of a few roadblocks and obstacles 😑.
None of this it geared at anyone paticular. If anything, it is simply me slowly getting back into expressing myself via written word and musing over things many other people may be quietly struggling with the way I am. Be blessed, and if you vibe with any of this, please let me know in your own way.
- Swerv
