Judging people is innate; it's human nature, part of our survival instincts. We all do it, whether it's over a big issue or something rather small, like in the beginning of my first semester when I noticed a “grown man” in my history class.
When I first saw Tim* in my history class, I was pushed into reality. After years and years of high school and spending my time with people of the same age as me, I was certainly not used to sit next to someone who was old enough to be my professor, or even my father.
I recognized the fact that it was a great thing for Tim to go back to school, and maybe finish up a degree or start something new; for some reason I couldn’t shake the fact that he was in the same level class as 18, 19, and 20 year old's.
Little did I know, he had bigger things going on.
On the last day of class, we all had to discuss our oral history project. The assignment was to interview and talk to someone who has had a “brush with history.” Some interviewed an immigrant while others interviewed veterans or somebody who were in the city during 9/11. Tim’s interview, however, was quite different.
He started by simply stating that he interviewed his wife. I automatically assumed that maybe she was an immigrant, or that she could recall the exact moment JFK died. It was very different than that. Tim went on by telling us that he and his wife were recipients of the Angels in Adoption Congressional Award. This award is for people who have "enriched the lives of foster-care children or orphans through adoption.” Tim, a white man, shared with us that he and his wife, who is a black woman from Barbados, have adopted two African-American girls and have fostered three other children.
Tim told us about his wife’s experience during the time after they received the award as they were publicly targeted by the press. He said, “We were interviewed for many different newspapers from the PennySaver to Newsday.” They were also featured on roughly nine different radio stations to discuss their work with adoption and foster care.
I was immediately intrigued by Tim’s work, and it was so nice to hear about good people doing good things. Adoption and foster care are things I definitely want to look into as an adult, and Tim supplied me with some information about it. Did you know that African American children are disproportionally represented in the foster care system, and over half are 6 years old or older?
It is so very easy to automatically make assumptions about people, especially if you don’t know them at all. It's also difficult to stop yourself from making these assumptions; after I heard Tim’s story, I was angry at myself for thinking so low about him. Here I am, owning up to my judgments and apologizing for it. I am now going to try harder to train my brain to consider so many possibilities before I make judgements and confront myself when I do.
You never know what people are going through, or have gone through. The saying “you never know what's going on behind closed doors” is so true. Try not to make assumptions about people and when you do, own up to it.
*The name was changed for privacy reasons.
