We all know them, and we all have our own special pet names for them. One thing we can all agree on is that they are the worse in the parenting world. I’m talking about “those moms.” Recently I had stumbled across the term “mom bullies” and that got me thinking about the hags, I mean ladies that I have come across in my time as a mother. Looking back on myself then, the young, scared, nervous first time mother, I see that I took what other moms thought and said very seriously because I had no idea what I was doing and wanted to be a really good mom. And I was. And I am.
As I’ve said before, I got pregnant with my Sam when I was twenty and delivered him at twenty-one. You best believe that the mom shaming started the moment I found out I had that little guy growing inside of me… “Don’t eat that.” “You drink that kind of milk?” “My doctor said…” “You should be doing…” and I could go on and on. Of course, I know that there are things that you shouldn’t eat and drink while pregnant. I did buy a book and read it lol. My mind was a whirlwind thinking that my baby was going to be born sick or underweight or worse because I wasn’t taking good care of myself in pregnancy. Which I was. I ate right (and wrong, cause you know, cravings), I didn’t do drugs, I took my prenatal vitamins prescribed by the doctor, I exercised, I went for regular check-ups, and got my home ready for my child all the while. And he came out just fine. Better than fine! He was perfect!
Little did I know then that the worse of my mom shaming was yet to come. I know that breastfeeding is a huge topic in the mom world right now and on somethings, I do agree. If you can and want to breastfeed your baby, then do it. Cant? Formula feed. Don’t want to? Feed that baby. To me, breastfeeding is a choice that many moms make. If you do breastfeed, then great, that works for you as a mother. If you don’t, that works too, because that works for you as a mother. My point is this, what works for you and your baby may not be what works for someone else and their baby. No two babies are the same, and no two moms are the same.
Then, there was this….
Lord love a duck if I heard someone else ask me how much Sam weighed as a baby. I got asked that so much, I thought that was a normal mom question, so I started asking every mom I knew myself, “How fat is your kid now, girl?!” Shut up, past me! And all of you A-holes. IT DOESN’T MATTER!!! You think in ten years when your fat chunk of a kid is the smallest and skinniest one in class is going to care that he once had rolls for days?!?! No way! And you shouldn’t care either. That was one thing that really tore me up was when so and so’s baby weighed more than Sam. Am I not feeding him enough? Is he sick? OMG what is wrong here?! Ugh. There was nothing wrong, and there’s still nothing wrong. My Sam is still a little dude and probably always will be, but he eats like a horse and can run and play for hours. He’s alright.
I’ve got stories for days. I could literally go on and on about this. Much like the mom bullies. They never stop. And you will run into them wherever you go. There is no avoiding it. What I would love to see happen, and wish more than anything is this; for those B!^*#%@ to stop. Seriously. Who are you to make another mother feel less than because she isn’t doing something like you think she should. Or doesn’t have for her baby what you have? There is nothing wrong with that, to each their own. Women, mothers especially, should be building each other up. Not tearing each other down. It seems to be the number one problem among mothers. And honestly, don’t we have enough to worry about?
Good mothers, breast feed, good mothers formula feed, good mothers work, good mothers put their children in take care, good mothers cook seven days a week, good mothers go through the drive thru, good mothers co-sleep, good mothers put their babies in their own rooms. See where I’m going with this?!
The point of all this, is, be kind to each other, mama’s. We’re all a hot mess; some just hide it better than others. Take care of your babies, the best way that you know how. Only you know what is right for your baby. Don’t let the opinions of someone else; bring you down from your “mom game.” You’re doing just fine. Worrying like that will steal the joy out of motherhood for you, and it is not supposed to be like that. And for all you “mom bullies” yes, you know who you are, if you can’t build up another mother instead of tearing her down for you own benefit, then just stay you butt at home, off the phone, and away from everyone. You suck.
P.S. If you are questioning yourself, and wondering if you as a mother are a “mom bully” then the answer is yes, you probably are. Get your life.
