Frankly, women have it rough, and that is putting it mildly. Both men and women continuously scrutinize our bodies. We are either seen as too thin or too curvy. Is there any in between or perfect weight? Can your skin ever be flawless, and can you ever be the ideal girl? Before critics role in saying I am focusing on external features versus internal matters, let me explain. It is perfectly normal to be both confident and self-conscious.
There are some days where I feel on top of the world, ready to face whatever challenge life throws at me. And then there are days where all I want to do is hide under my covers. If you follow my articles, then you may know I am a signed model which might make this next statement sound ridiculous. However, here it goes. Regardless of someone's size or weight, we all have insecurities.
My self-doubt might be different than the girl sitting next to me, but that doesn't make them any less real or valid. I often find myself haunted by my past, the girl I was before modeling and college. Instead of viewing myself as the hard working woman I am today, someone who is a signed model and activist for those with learning disabilities, I think of myself as the young, awkward, and timid girl I was beforehand. The girl with a speech impediment, the girl with braces, the girl who was bullied continuously throughout middle school.
People might say that your past doesn't define you. Although they would be correct, these individuals are wrong to say your past has no bearing on the person you are today. I have grown from the girl I used to be, using my personal history to influence my future. Past relationships help shape the way you view a new partner or influences the way you approach someone. I mean, let's be serious, if Ariana Grande's song "Thank U, Next" taught us anything, it is that our past does affect our view on life and love and we can learn from it.
Whether we are considering past relationships and how we grew from them or our personal past, we have to admit that our insecurities stem from our own history. Although other people see the woman I am today, I still see that quiet and meek child, even though I have grown out of that stage. My past still plays a role in my life every day.
I am terrified when it comes to relationships. When I see a cute guy, my immediate thought is "I don't have a chance; I am the girl who had a speech impediment." Despite people telling you otherwise, I understand the struggle and challenge to admit to yourself you deserve the sun and the moon.
We can learn from the past. It can be past relationships which taught you what you want and deserve, or it can be your past self. Just remember- do not to let your past define your future.
