For better or for worse, our generation is noted for its obsessive reliance on digital media. A culture so focused on instant gratification, we continue to breed a nature of impatience and disconnection. That nature has crept its way into each and every one of our human interactions and relationships, particularly that of romance. As I observe the romantic lives of those around me, along with myself, and reflect on romance of the past, I cannot help but to notice a severe divide. It appears to me that we have discarded the traditional concept of romance all together in pursuit of an entirely modern definition.
I’ve always loved to hear my parents or grandparents reminisce on old times. They’ll share with me their favorite or funniest memories, and more often than not, it ends with: “But that would never happen now with cellphones and social media.” My best friends’ moms often tell us stories of their college years and the various boys and dates that they encountered along the way. Although they're no fairytales, there’s something about those stories that leave me envious of the way that dating used to be.
Some of my favorite love songs are that of classic artists, most of which were also passed down from my parents. Perhaps the romantic in me idealizes their rather cliché lyrics or perhaps its simply justifiable envy of the way songwriters once chose to express love. While artists like Ed Sheeran and John Legend persist in a similar manner of romance in their music, I can’t help but compare the classics to that of the crude rap blasting from the dormitory floor beneath me. It’s pretty ironic to me that while we “progress” in our imaging of women, lyrics change from “my girl” to “my b*tch.”
The simple nature of “dating”, or rather the lack thereof, has polarized itself from that of the classics and traditionalism. While I believe that change in some sense is essential, there is something to be admired of tradition. Slowly but surely, we’ve lost and continue to lose each of the aspects that once defined romance. We’re not talking; we’re snapchatting. We’re not “dating”; we’re “hooking up.” We’re not in “relationships”; we’re “together.”
At what point did we lose our inclination to real, respectful dating? We’re fighting against what’s felt so natural to us for so long, and it’s not working. It pains me to see my generation of millennials going to all extents to reject their feelings. We used to be proud of love, used to want to shout it from the rooftops and wear our hearts on our sleeves with pride. When did love become a thing of shame? Why must we persistently deny ourselves the pleasure of whole-heartedly feeling? It’s cowardly and it scares me.
As time goes by, the potentiality of love at first sight gradually declines. Think about it: when we receive a follow request before ever meeting somebody face to face. After a simple scroll, we become familiar with their look and are easily aware of their life. The accessibility of information is dangerous. The mystery and excitement of getting to know somebody is dwindling. While a profile can only tell so much, it’s that much less to learn in conversation.
Yet, what we display on these profiles means so much. The effort that so many girls put into perfecting their edited pictures is nearly matched by their desire for a like from that "special someone." As the bar is incessantly raised by Instagram models and stars across the board of social media platforms, a competitive agenda and obsessive nature is spread amongst the girls who envy them. I speak from a guilty perspective when I say that the stress that girls put into the pictures we post has become only increasingly detrimental. The unrealistic expectations that we create for ourselves breed a dangerously superficial nature amongst our dating culture. We continue to neglect what's beyond the surface, beyond the filters and witty captions. We fall in love with a profile picture before we even think of the person behind it.
I envy the days long gone when genuine effort was not only expected, but also necessary. Back when somebody would ask for your number and you gave them your house phone. Back when they’d call and have to ask your parents to speak with you. Back when you would arrive at their house and when you walked up and rang the doorbell, you were probably first greeted by their parents. Back before we lost the energy to work up the nerve to impress, before we became overcome by laziness and carelessness.
I fear for the long-term effects of our cowardice. Despite the endless warnings of our parents, will we ever come to the realization ourselves? Will we ever return to the way that the world of romance once was? Will we ever be able to put down our phones and lose the Snapchat streaks in order to appreciate the people behind them? Will growth and maturity be enough to set our priorities straight? Will the respect that we once prioritized ever return? Are all romantics of our generation hopeless?
