Mixed Race Identity
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

If I Told You I Was Black, I'd Feel Like A Liar

"What are you, anyway?"

82
Girl

I recently read an article about using the right vocabulary when addressing or talking about people from multiple backgrounds. In it, the writer reminisces about the first time she understood the term "mixed" to be an insult. I was shocked because I never felt that it was offensive.

In fact, when people inevitably ask me "What are you?" my answer is always "mixed." Still, it made me think about my own experiences growing up mixed and the moment I realized I was different from the people in my life. Looking back, I'm surprised it took me so long to realize. Of course, I saw the family portraits and I knew, on a basic level, that my reflection was different than my mother's or sister's, but as a kid, "race" wasn't a word I knew. Until someone pointed it out.

I was waiting for my sister after school when one of her friends asked if I was adopted. My sister was quick to tell her "no," but I was fascinated by the idea that other people couldn't believe my sister really was my sister. I'm not adopted, she wasn't lying; but I will admit to asking my mom about it more than once. After it was pointed out, I couldn't stop noticing our differences, and more than anything. I wanted to know why.

I remember in the sixth grade, a boy told me he had met my mom. There had been an open house at the school the night before that my parents hadn't attended. Even after I told him this, he insisted he had seen my mother there. Now, to give you some context, this was a majority white school, so I can't say I'm surprised he assumed the first black woman he saw was my mother. Still, I was quick to cut him off. I asked, "Did she look like me?" He nodded, so I continued, "Then it wasn't my mom."

Despite my darker complexion and tight curls, I didn't admit to the possibility of blackness until I was a senior in high school. I use the word "admit" kind of loosely here. It wasn't as if my ethnicity was a dark secret I tried to hide, but it was something I tried not to think about, something I will admit to actively denying at a few points. If you could see me, the idea of me pretending I'm anything other than multiracial is laughable, but until I was 16, I thought of myself as white.

It seemed to me growing up that blackness was something to be avoided. I would ask my mom often where I got my looks from. She would spout out something about my biological father's Native American heritage, which, no offense to my mother, was a load of crap. Granted, yes, there is a little of that at play, but even as a child I knew that wasn't a complete answer. In any sense, it was simpler for me to identify with my family instead of confronting my differences.

People tended to make assumptions and speculated about it, but few people actually asked me, which made questions like "What are you?" that much more disarming. I was embarrassed by it. From the reminder that strangers, literal strangers on the street, could look at me and identify me as "other." As if I am anything other than just a human girl, like an alien or an exotic bird.

I still get questions like that, and I'm still not sure how to answer them.

I'm not offended or uncomfortable when people call me black; honestly, it's a weight off me because at least I don't have to explain myself, but I am hesitant to describe myself that way. Not because I'm worried it may be inaccurate—I'll deal with that if I ever discover that's the case—but because, more often than not, my blackness feels less than legitimate. It feels like a label placed on me by those who see the world in only black and white, and I'm clearly not white.

There are times when I still feel like the odd one out, especially with my family. I look up and see I'm surrounded by white faces, and then there's me.

Ethnically ambiguous.

In that regard, getting asked that question all the time has had a welcome effect: I care a little less. I'm a little more comfortable admitting that I don't know.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

6 Things Owning A Cat Has Taught Me

This one's for you, Spock.

1396
6 Things Owning A Cat Has Taught Me
Liz Abere

Owning a pet can get difficult and expensive. Sometimes, their vet bills cost hundreds of dollars just for one visit. On top of that, pets also need food, a wee wee pad for a dog, a litter box with litter for a cat, toys, and treats. Besides having to spend hundreds of dollars on them, they provide a great companion and are almost always there when you need to talk to someone. For the past six years, I have been the proud owner of my purebred Bengal cat named Spock. Although he's only seven years and four months old, he's taught me so much. Here's a few of the things that he has taught me.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

Kinder Self - Eyes

You're Your Own Best Friend

2915
Kinder Self - Eyes
Pexels

It's fun to see all of the selfies on social media, they are everywhere. I see pictures with pouty lips, duck lips and pucker lips. I see smokey eyes, huge fake lashes and nicely done nose jobs, boob jobs and butt lifts. Women working out in spandex, tiny tops and flip flops. I see tight abs and firm butts, manicured nails and toes, up dos and flowing hair. "Wow", I think to myself," I could apply tons of make-up, spend an hour on my hair, pose all day and not look like that. Maybe I need a longer stick!"

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

Rap Songs With A Deeper Meaning

Rap is more than the F-bomb and a beat. Read what artists like Fetty, Schoolboy Q, Drake, and 2Pac can teach you.

22928
Rap artist delivers performance on stage
Photo by Chase Fade on Unsplash

On the surface, rap songs may carry a surface perception of negativity. However, exploring their lyrics reveals profound hidden depth.Despite occasional profanity, it's crucial to look beyond it. Rap transcends mere wordplay; these 25 song lyrics impart valuable life lessons, offering insights that extend beyond the conventional perception of rap music.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

21 Drinks For Your 21st Birthday

Maybe don't try them all in one day...

3025
21 Drinks For Your 21st Birthday

My 21st birthday is finally almost here. In honor of finally turning 21, I thought I'd share 21 fun drinks since it's finally legal for me to drink them.

Some of these drinks are basic, but some of them are a little more interesting. I thought they all looked pretty good and worth trying, so choose your favorites to enjoy at your big birthday bash!

Keep Reading...Show less
Politics

Ancient Roman Kings: 7 Leaders of Early Rome

The names and dates of the reigns of the first four kings, as well as the alternation of Sabin and Latin names, are more legendary than historical. The last three kings, of Etruscan origin, have an existence which seems less uncertain.

5294
inside ancient roman building
Photo by Chad Greiter on Unsplash

It is evident that all this is only a legend although archeology shows us little by little that these kings if they did not exist as the ancient history, describes them, have at least in the very Outlines were real as chief of a shepherd’s tribe. The period when kings ruled Rome could estimate at 245 years.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments