There isn’t a rulebook to life, but as you grow older and become wiser it seems to become easier. Taking one day at a time is key to a life full of happiness, joy, beauty, and so much more. Our parents teach us the basics as children, but as we take the reins and experience life for ourselves, and put the teachings of our parents into good use, we learn to draw our own conclusions from life.
We are taught everything from how to use the potty, how to prepare our own food, to eventually taking care of ourselves completely and independently. With each lesson learned, we usually take something from it and grow as people, but there is generally an exception to every rule. Even with all the tools either our parents or our life experiences provide to us, losing a family member, a friend, a pet, etc. is something neither life nor our parents can help us prepare for.
Unfortunately, a loss is a loss, and it doesn’t matter if your loss is through death, separation, miscommunication, etc. any way you slice and dice it, it’s a difficult subject to talk about and even to deal with. Sometimes it can even be such a touchy subject that people tend to sweep it under the rug rather than discussing it. Loss is almost like Voodoo, we know it exists, but we keep it at arms length.
It is human nature that people bond and form relationships with others who they find to be compatible, dependable, and even loving towards them. We look for people who share the same interests and opinions hoping to make covalent bonds and to share forever lasting memories. The more time spent with them the deeper the connection becomes; but the deeper the connection and the stronger the bond, the harder it is to let go when the time comes to part ways. That person, pet, etc. becomes a part of who you are and before your eyes, life changes with them in it.
Without a doubt, losing someone is one of the most difficult experiences mankind has to go through. Even when the loss is expected, it is still heart wrenching. No one plans on having to say goodbye, though we know it is a possibility everyday. We grasp on the positive idea of forever, until we have to face the day of saying goodbye; which sometimes, inevitably comes, a little too soon.
Everyone has their own grieving process, some faster than others, but we all go through the same trials. There isn’t a right or wrong way to deal with your feelings and emotions, but you can’t pretend they aren’t knocking at the door. Remind yourself that time is key to a great loss. When it comes time for people to express what they are thinking and feeling, it can be devastatingly hard and painful, so don’t beat yourself up if you aren’t spilling your guts to everyone who asks; just know that time heals all wounds and eventually when the time is right you will be able to share what you choose to relinquish with those of your choice.
I can personally contest to always having had a difficult time with expressing my emotions. Until I met my best friend, who has been there for me through thick and thin, never given up on me, and has shown me that it is okay for you to express your feelings without letting people think you are weak, I hardly ever let anyone know what I was thinking. I have always felt as if peoples feelings were personal, but she is the one who is constantly reminding me that no one will ever go without loss in their lifetime, so why not completely open my heart and soul to others and to live life as if they won't be here tomorrow (a concept easier said than done).
In my opinion, once the dust has settled and time has passed, I feel that people have the hardest time with yearning for the one they lost. I believe that people have to find a way to cope with missing them before you can truly move on. It doesn't matter if a family member passes and you have the constant reminder that they won't be at family gatherings, a friend you have relied on since you can remember isn't going to be on the other end of the phone because of a tiff, a separation with the realization that your biggest confidant is no longer there for support, or a pet that not only became family over the years, but your most loyal companion who was always there for you when others weren't, you're going to miss them, and that is okay!
Miss them for as long as you need. Don't rush anything or feel as if you have to package up your feelings up. Dealing with it later isn't a solution nor is pretending it didn't happen. People are too quick to want to replace and fix what has been broken, and jumping into new activities or bombarding yourself with new people to escape from reality won’t repair it. Remind yourself that it is okay to miss them and want them back, and to never let go of the fact that your time was well spent with great company. Without hope of seeing them again or wishing them the best in their lives, is only hurting you and holding you back. When the timing is right, you will know when it is okay to let go, but until then, know it is alright to miss those you have lost.
