Here comes the automatic bitterness. It's February. So naturally, here come all the jewelry ads about true love, and the ads for Valentine's Day specials at restaurants, and rom coms to be played nonstop ALL month. Blah. Who came up with this love-drenched holiday?? It's literally disgusting.

I will admit though, being a single girl in college, I would most definitely hope to be asked out on a cute date with a nice boy. And yes, I mean literally he will ask me on a "date." Maybe an adventure and a cool spot for food later on. Something fun. Something I'm going to feel really special about.

I want those white roses and a cute boy with a dazzling smile to give them to me. I want a valentine for the first time in my almost 19 years. For the first time, I don't want to give into my usual urge of dramatic eyerolls for cheesy and sweet gestures. For the first time, I want a guy to really see me and not give up on me. I want to be treated like a princess and I want to not be bitter about love and relationships.

But that has me thinking. I have built this huge wall up after all the times I've been hurt by guys. Guys who shouldn't have had a claim to my heart to begin with. Guys who led me on. Guys who told me I was everything they wanted only to fill me with false hope, and then, just left me with nothing, but broken promises. I've been settling for so much less than the treatment that anyone deserves. I built this wall out of fear of another rejection, another almost relationship. I continue to build it because I'm afraid to allowing someone to truly see me. I run away, I self-sabotage, and I get in my own way of my happiness. I continue this cycle because I've never known anything else.

But, please, listen to me.

Don't be like me. Don't shut yourself off. Don't build these walls and prevent good people from touching your heart. Let them in. Let love in. Because love is the greatest gift to be given and shared.

Valentine's Day is a celebration of love and every form of it. Day by day, I'm learning to continue pursuing the relationship I have with myself. I shouldn't need a guy to feel special, because God already made me to be unique and lovable the way He made me. I need to stop believing that I'm not good enough because some guy didn't choose me in the end. I need to stop putting such a presence on all the times I've been told that I'm unworthy to deserve love. I need to continue to pursue myself, my wants, and my needs. My dreams and my life need to be the top priority. So even though Valentine's Day is going to be rough another year single, it's another holiday to celebrate loving myself and the amazing people God has continued to surround me with.

One day, I will meet a special guy who will want me with his whole heart in pursuit of mine. He's going to treat me with so much love and genuine affection. He's going to be my best friend, the keeper of my heart, and my answered prayer. He's going to be everything I could've ever dreamed of. But until that time comes, I have to keep learning and remembering to love myself.

I could meet this guy tomorrow, or next week, or maybe I already know him. But when the timing is right and my heart is in a good and solid place, I will know that I'm ready to open my heart to love and allow myself to be loved in return. That's my biggest fear. But God will provide and help see me through.

He's already shown me what real love is by what He did on the cross. He's already shown me real love by giving me my incredible father and best friend. He's given me my amazing friends who remain by my side and love me unconditionally. He's given me such an amazing faith community who supports me through thick and thin. He's given me so many blessing out of His love for me. He gave me Jesus. And that's always going to be enough. That's always going to be the best representation of love.

I hope this Valentine's Day, you see what a blessing you are to those around you. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of letting love in. You are the person someone else is praying for. But you can't love someone else until you love yourself first. Always remember that. And if you forget what love actually is, here are some beautiful words (which make up my favorite Bible verse) to remind you: 1 Corinthians 13:4-7