I never knew that July 29th 2012 would be the day that changed my life forever. I remember going to Mammies the night before you and mom went out. I remember the last few words we had spoken not knowing they’d be the last ones. “Goodbye Madison, I love you. Have fun and see you Sunday.” I didn’t know it yet… but those would be the last words you said to me forever.
Waking up on the 29th was a rollercoaster of emotions. Why did my grandmother wake me up so early and why did she take my phone. We usually leave her house in the afternoon but that day we left at 7 o’clock sharp. Me and my 4 year old brother were confused. When we pulled up my dad’s side of the family was there. At that point I was beyond confused.
I remember not knowing what to do about the situation. As I walked up to my mom at the front door, I remember the first words I said, “Where’s dad?” She told me to take a seat on the couch. So I listened and then followed all of my cousins. My uncle bent down and put his hand on my knee. Then my mom said, “Your father has been in an accident.” And out flowed all my mother’s tears. And then she told us he didn’t make it. Every emotion that you could ever have, I had. Even some I didn’t know existed.
It was hard after that day. Every day was a struggle. Every day you wonder if he really is gone, or if it’s all a nightmare. I like to think that someday I will see him again, but if I am being 100% honest. I don’t really know if I will again or not.
I hope he’s okay, I hope he’s not in pain anymore. I hope he still is looking down on us, but most importantly I hope he’s proud of me. It’s something I ask myself every day before I do something. Would dad be okay with this, would dad be okay with that?
I hope he knows I’m trying. That I am trying to be the Madison I was before the accident. The little kid Madison… but it’s not all the same anymore. I thought I would have my whole family forever. Little did I know, one of my biggest supporters would pass too soon.
People ask me all the time if I am okay, so I put on a smile. And say, “yea, I am” but in all reality, I am still working on it. I know someday I will be able to except the fact that he’s gone, just not yet.
Thank you for all the memories I will cherish forever.
And to anyone who doesn’t think this could happen to them just remember, I was one of you once. Make every day count with your loved ones and be thankful for all the good times you share. I wish I would’ve.
Love, your daughter who will always remember her daddy as a hero.
