It’s nights like these I wish I could text the person you used to be.
The person who could never go this long without finding a reason to talk to me.
Even when we weren’t together, we’d always find an excuse.
“We’ve been friends for too long not to,” we’d say.
But we both knew the truth.
We missed each other.
Every few months we seemed to play catch-up.
We’d ask the other, “how’ve you been,” and then pretend like that time apart didn’t exist — like you weren’t with her and I wasn’t with him.
No matter how long it had been, we’d always be able to pick up right where we left off. Like nothing had changed.
And remember all those nights we used to talk for hours and hours about nothing and everything?
We just wanted to hear the sound of the other’s voice.
We’d never realize how late it was until the sun started shining through the blinds. But even then, we would keep talking ’til we fell asleep.
And after nights like that, we’d always seem to give in and find a way to see each other, after we told ourselves we wouldn’t. And when that moment finally came, we never really said much; there was nothing really left to say. You'd just wrap your arms around me and I would do the same, and then we’d stand there— remembering the last time we let each other go.
I miss those.
Those “you’re not getting away this time” hugs.
I miss you.
But not this you.
This you you’ve turned into.
I don’t even think you would answer your phone if my name came up on your screen.
But the you you used to be, would.
No matter where you were or who you were with, you’d answer.
One August, we hadn’t talked in 5 months and you were out of town with friends, but you answered. I didn't really expect you to.
The old you always had time. And if you didn’t, you would make time.
You’d be there when I needed you.
You’d be there for me on nights like tonight.
If by chance you find this letter some day, I don’t want you to think this is more than what it is— me thinking about the way things used to be.
I know this isn’t us anymore, and it never will be.
We’ll never be what we were. We’re different people now.
I don’t think we were meant to be together. We tried so many times, unsuccessfully.
I think we both wanted to make it work. But we couldn’t fake it anymore. There were too many mistakes in the way.
But I don’t think we were supposed to pretend the other never existed. I mean, all those years of friendship... for what? Blocked numbers, erased pictures, and thoughts of what used to be?
On nights like tonight, I may be missing you, but it’s the you you are now... it’s the you you used to be.
