When I hear the word independent many things come to mind: Lil Boosie, Ne-Yo, Kelly Clarkson and myself just to name a few. According to Webbie, i-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t is someone that has their own house, own car, two jobs and works hard. To Ne-Yo, independent is one that walks like a boss and talks like a boss. Kelly says that independence is self-sufficiency, it keeps its distance and is unafraid; it’s out of my way and on its own. To me, independent is someone or something that does not need approval or reliance from anyone or anything. Somehow, Google managed to tie all of these together -- independent means not influenced or affected by others; capable of thinking or acting for oneself; not depending on something else for strength or effectiveness – that really hit home for me.

In life there are many things I am dependent on. Since I still live at home, I depend on my parents to provide a roof over my head and food for me to eat. I depend on my car to get me places. I depend on my job to give me money to be able to pay for things. I depend on my teachers to provide me with information that will help me to succeed in my future career. With dependency comes the ability to be influenced or affected by others, both positively and negatively. With this realization, I decided that I would no longer live a life dependent on friendships and relationships.

Throughout my junior high years most of my happiness depended on other people. What did my friends think of me? What did my classmates think of me? Did they like me? Did they think I was popular? If they liked me, I was happy. If they thought I was popular, I was happy. In the middle of eighth grade, my friend group changed completely. This new group of friends never made me question what they thought of me. They never made me question if they liked me. They never made me question if I was popular. I was finally comfortable and felt loved, and with that came happiness.

Graduation came and summer passed. Everything was going well in high school… until junior year. There was a boy and I was crazy for him. I was spending my weekdays on the phone instead of doing homework and studying and I was spending my weekends at his house rather than mine. I was doing more and more with him and less and less with my friends. The breakup left me heartbroken and I felt like my world was shattered into a million pieces. The independence I felt pre-relationship had me feeling more dependent than ever, post-relationship.

I went back to the basics, rediscovering who I was and learning to love myself again. Believe it or not, it’s healthy to spend time alone. To all the tweens, teens and twenty-somethings out there, teach yourself how to be alone and not be defined by another person. Be the kind of women that wants people, not needs people. Your future self will thank you.