I found this in one of my journals that I wrote on January 24, 2017, and it made reality really sink in. It made me realize how sad I was at that moment when I was writing it.
I was a freshman in college realizing just how horrible I did my first semester and wasn't sure how my second semester would end up. I remember how alone I felt in that moment and how far I have come along in my life.
Then I remembered how proud or disappointed you would be in me... and I realized I didn't care which one it would be. Either way, I'd still wish you were here, and that I miss you.
Hey, I miss you. I miss you a lot actually.
We were so close and then you left us, but I know you didn't want to.
I miss you calling me and leaving me voicemails stating who you were even though I had caller ID.
Today I'm having a hard time and I don't know why. I think about how the family is different now without you. I think about how grandpa lies at night in bed without you. I think about how grandpa Dick waits at home to see you and grandma mid again someday. I know he misses you two like crazy. I have never seen two men so heartbroken.
I miss when you would drive and you wouldn’t let me turn the radio up past 8 because Lady Antebellum “distracted” you. You would still sing softly under your breath and I would smile.
I never realized how much you adored each one of us until til I would catch you looking at each and every one of us with the biggest smile on your face.
I can’t believe you are gone, sometimes it doesn’t feel real.
I am loving college, but struggling with my relationships I have with others.
You were always tough, but you were always right. I miss that the most.
I hope I make you proud. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but I do know that.
I really wish you could call me and ask how my days are going and what it’s like down here.
Sometimes I feel super alone without family here, but I realize I have a path to follow and I really hope its the right one.
I am struggling with what the future holds as I have no idea and wish I did. I wish I could go back in time and cherish my moments with you more.
These pictures were only taken one year apart.
