Why I Miss Freshman Year Of High School

Why I Miss Freshman Year Of High School

Freshman year was one of the best years of my life, and I'll always want to go back to the first day.
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I still remember the first time I actually started thinking about high school, which was two years before my first day as a freshman. I got that nervous feeling I get whenever I realize something important hasn't crossed my mind before like it should have. Back then, I had the power to reassure myself that it would be a long time until I had to face high school head-on, so I had all the time in the world to relax and still be a child. A year passed, and eighth grade was flying by quicker than I could catch up with it. Sooner than I could tell, January was just around the corner.

By then, the small, nervous ache I felt was beginning to grow as my worry started to increase with each passing day. I was just a small girl who wasn't ready to go to the same school as students who could drive, vote and almost become adults. I felt like the small fish in the big pond that I was about to call my new school. The problem was that the only "high school scenario" that I could imagine was one from a cliche movie where the freshmen had to spend every day on guard. My biased opinion against high school had no proper evidence to support it, but I couldn't bring myself to change how I felt about it. I had grown so used to thinking that high school was a place of nightmares that it was impossible for me to picture it any other way.

The summer before freshman year arrived in the blink of an eye, and I found myself at Target looking for new school supplies. How would my first day go? Can I manage the school work? What's the worst-case scenario that could happen? All that ran through my head were those thoughts along with a few others, and now I regret spending so much time thinking of what could go wrong rather than what would actually happen.

I met some upperclassmen over the summer for the first time at a workshop for school, and even today, they are some of the best people I have ever met. I became really close to three of them, and when I felt overwhelmed with schoolwork and told them about it, they'd always be there by my side. One of them was a senior, and one thing I'd tell any freshman is to never become friends with a senior because it breaks your heart when they leave for college. Making these new friends caused me move out of my usual comfort zone, but I will never regret sitting down and talking to them that first day of workshop.

I don't know why, but I don't remember much about my first day of freshman year. Maybe it just wasn't memorable enough to be remembered in full detail. Freshman year only appears as a blur for me with a few good memories because I had so much fun throughout my journey. I'll never forget my first-period class with one of the best teachers and classmates I've ever had, and I'll always remember how my math teacher helped me realize my full potential as a student. The last month of ninth grade was painful, because I'd had one of the best years of my life; seeing it all go away would feel like a slap in the face would remind me that this was all temporary.

Maybe that's a part of growing up. Nothing lasts forever, and being an adult is learning to adapt to the changes that come with moving on. I still can't believe that sophomore year has already started; I just want to take a time machine and go back to the first day of school so I can relive all of the wonderful memories. The only thing I regret is spending so much time worrying about my first year of high school because I could've spent that time thinking about how much fun it could be. Time flies by so quickly, so what I've learned more than anything else this past year and a half is to make sure that you make the most of the good times while you can.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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To The Girl Who Had A Plan

A letter to the girl whose life is not going according to her plan.
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“I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.” - William Ernest Henley

Since we were little girls we have been asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” We responded with astronauts, teachers, presidents, nurses, etc. Then we start growing up, and our plans change.

In middle school, our plans were molded based on our friends and whatever was cool at the time. Eventually, we went to high school and this question became serious, along with some others: “What are your plans for college?” “What are you going to major in?” “When do you think you’ll get married?” “Are you going to stay friends with your friends?” We are bombarded with these questions we are supposed to have answers to, so we start making plans.

Plans, like going to college with our best friends and getting a degree we’ve been dreaming about. Plans, to get married as soon as we can. We make plans for how to lose weight and get healthy. We make plans for our weddings and children.

SEE ALSO: 19 Pieces Of Advice From A Soon-To-Be 20-Year-Old

We fill our Pinterest boards with these dreams and hopes that we have, which are really great things to do, but what happens when you don’t get into that college? What happens when your best friend chooses to go somewhere else? Or, what if you don’t get the scholarship you need or the awards you thought you deserved. Maybe, the guy you thought you would marry breaks your heart. You might gain a few pounds instead of losing them. Your parents get divorced. Someone you love gets cancer. You don’t get the grades you need. You don’t make that collegiate sports team. The sorority you’re a legacy to, drops you. You didn’t get the job or internship you applied for. What happens to you when this plan doesn’t go your way?

I’ve been there.

The answer for that is “I have this hope that is an anchor for my soul.” Soon we all realize we are not the captain of our fate. We don’t have everything under control nor will we ever have control of every situation in our lives. But, there is someone who is working all things together for the good of those who love him, who has a plan and a purpose for the lives of his children. His name is Jesus. When life takes a turn you aren’t expecting, those are the times you have to cling to Him the tightest, trusting that His plan is what is best. That is easier said than done, but keep pursuing Him. I have found in my life that His plans were always better than mine, and slowly He’s revealing that to me.

The end of your plan isn’t the end of your life. There is more out there. You may not be the captain of your fate, but you can be the master of your soul. You can choose to be happy despite your circumstances. You can change directions at any point and go a different way. You can take the bad and make something beautiful out of it, if you allow God to work in your heart.

SEE ALSO: To The Girl Patiently Waiting With An Impatient Heart

So, make the best of that school you did get in to. Own it. Make new friends- you may find they are better than the old ones. Apply for more scholarships, or get a job. Move on from the guy that broke your heart; he does not deserve you. God has a guy lined up for you who will love you completely. Spend all the time you can with the loved one with cancer. Pray, pray hard for healing. Study more. Apply for more jobs, or try to spend your summer serving others instead. Join a different club or get involved in other organizations on campus. Find your delight first in God and then pursue other activities that make you happy; He will give you the desires of your heart.

My friend, it is going to be OK.

Cover Image Credit: Megan Beavers Photography

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I'm Not Feelin' 22, But I'll Make The Most Of It

The reality of becoming another year older and the stress that it may bring.

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Birthdays are all about being the center of attention, - birthday wishes from friends and family, and celebrating another milestone in your life. People go out of their way to buy party favors, set up parties, and buy gifts just to make someone feel special on their birthday. However, some people dread their special day because of anxiety and depression. This past weekend was my 22ndbirthday, and although I'm usually excited for my birthday, this was the birthday I had been dreading.

Birthdays are inevitable. Once you reach past the age of 21, everything seems to go downhill, or at least I think so. Once I realized I was going to be 22 last Sunday, I realized the new responsibilities and norms that come with turning this age. I am a Junior at the University of Arizona, should be a senior, and most of my friends are younger than me. With most of my friends graduating this year at the age of 22, I can't help but feel bad that I will be graduating at the age of 23. After being at a large university for three years, I have felt "behind" because of my age and academic standing. Being the oldest of my friends brings a sense of anxiety out in me and pressure that I should be graduated by now.

Another issue I have with birthdays at this age is the expectation of certain milestones that I have not accomplished yet. With social media being such a large part of our society today, seeing so many different people on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter posting pictures of what they are doing every second of the day, it's hard not to feel bad if you are not up to par with others lives. Some people are having babies, while others are going to medical school, where do I fit in?

Although birthdays bring some sense of negativity to me, I think that they should be celebrated in a positive light. My best friend, Colleen, knew I was feeling down about my birthday and wanted to help me feel better about turning the big 2-2. She bought balloons, silly string, and letter banners just to decorate our apartment to make me feel excited about the day. She bought me the most unique presents that only a best friend would know I would have wanted. At the end of the day, we went to my favorite restaurant and with the help of Colleen, my day had turned around.

While you may catch the birthday blues at some point in your lifetime, there are ways to change your attitude on the day. You may hear from someone from the past wishing you a happy birthday that can make you smile, or receive a gift from a family or friend that you had your eye on in the store and they knew you had to have it. Don't compare yourself to others when it comes to birthday plans, live the day how you would like and spend it with the people that matter most to you.

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