I miss many things about you and about how we used to be, but whenever I reminisce about the good times you and I shared, I can't help but to also remember all of the downfalls that we also shared. I know that relationships are a give-and-take sort of thing, but I don't believe that I should have been the one to always be giving while you would take as much as you could from me. You took all I had and it still wasn't enough for you.
I miss so many things about the way things used to be. I miss how your nose would scrunch up right before you were about to sneeze. I miss how we used to get coffee together so much that I didn't have to tell you that I liked soy milk. I miss how we used to hang out with our friends and all we would hear is about "how lucky we were to be so in love." But, now that I look back, I don't know if love is the right word to call what we had.
What we had was amazing sometimes and I couldn't have been happier, but the late night screaming matches that happened much more often than they should have always made things a little awkward between you and me. You made me feel like I was the only girl who mattered to you sometimes, but anytime I so much as glanced at your phone when it buzzed while we were together, you became extremely defensive and I think we both know why. You treated me exceptionally well until I heard about all of the times you were unfaithful, but I still looked at you like you were more gorgeous than the moon.
I miss so many things about you and sometimes I lie in bed and think about how things would be now if you had never left me for another girl. Then I remember, things would still be just as hard.
When you first left I didn't know what to do with myself, but that was months ago. In these months of being alone, I have learned to love myself. I have learned that I don't need someone in my life who would make me feel amazing just to turn around and make me feel terrible with the bullets that were about to come from their mouth. I don't need someone who finds joy in dragging me down to make me feel validated. I have found myself since you left, and I really like who I am. I know that I don't need negativity always surrounding me and that I can go and order my own coffee with soy milk.
No matter how much I miss you and our memories, I'm begging you to not come back because the girl you left behind isn't here anymore.
