The application was pretty simple. I filled in my first and last name, checked off the box that said "hottest like ever" under beauty, sent in three of my best and most Instagram liked selfies, and put "would kill to win" under talent. They sent me a sash in three days and then suddenly I was in a theater with 50 other women ready to become Miss America. It all seemed too easy.
We were behind stage getting ready when suddenly a girl asked "What state did they give you?"
"New York" I replied. She walked away immediately with fear in her eyes. I knew New York always had a good chance of making the top five, but still, I was slightly offended until I got a pat on the back from Chris Harrison.
"You can kill her off first if you want," he told me with excitement. "The judges LOVE early kills. Especially Mark, he's a Shark, he loves killing people."
"What?" I asked
"What?" he asked. He gave me a wink before walking away. Four states walked my way with eerie smiles on their faces.
"Congratulations!" They told me. I gave them a blank stare. I hadn't even won yet.
"We're the strongest four states and we need you to help us make it to top five. Are you in or out? We're going to take out Puerto Rico."
"What?"
"You're new, so try not to get blood on your dress," Pennsylvania advised me before handing me a knife. "Get out Delaware before the show starts, I'm going to take out Connecticut. The others will get Puerto Rico. The judges like early kills, you get more points."
"Wait what??" I asked, but it was too late, the show was starting. Arkansas grabbed me before we marched across the stage.
"The only way out is to win," she whispered. "Top five stays alive. You have to go kill Delaware, she's dangerous, she'll never see it coming."
"WHAT'S GOING ON!" I screamed in a panic only to be met with reassurance from Chris Harrison.
"Is this not Miss America???" I asked him as I shook his shoulders frantically.
"Of course! This is Miss America's Hunger Games. However, we are not associated with any political candidates" he winked before whispering "we're actually controlled by the government entirely, I've been held captive for 30 years on a show called The Bachelor, if I leave, I die."
I stared at him blankly.
"You said you would kill to win under the talent section" he shrugged.
And that's when I stabbed Chris Harrison with the knife Pennsylvania gave me. He looked surprised but still told me to break a leg before I went on stage. I went straight for Delaware and broke off her legs. Everyone cheered. Kansas looked more terrified than ever. Arkansas flashed me a thumbs up before she took out Connecticut with her bare teeth. It was impressive but also like, really scary.
"Now what?" I asked Arkansas once we were back behind stage. We had killed everyone. It was just the five of us which meant we got to stay alive.
"The only way out is to win," she said before punching me in the face and running towards the crown. Before I knew it I was being whisked away to Cuba where I would be held captive for a year with no WiFi before competing again. Apparently you only get to escape Miss America for good if you win. But more importantly there was no WiFi so making it to top five alive sucked.
