"Be a man."
"Toughen up."
"Stop being a sissy."
Millennial men (and the men of the preceding generations) have been hearing demands like these for as long as they can remember. It is common, actually, for the parents of a young male toddler to encourage him to "shake it off" when being injured. They talk him up into thinking he is tough and brave, making him feel that he needn't cry. But would these same parents treat their female toddler this way? Would they tell her, after being mildly injured, to toughen up and move on or would they calmly comfort her, coaxing away her tears? More than likely, the latter would be the outcome.
The black and white concept of masculinity and femininity is oppressive in itself. Women have fought for their rights and equality, but yet some men still find themselves scratching their heads thinking, "But do women really have it that bad?"
As a woman, I don't frequently consider the pressure that is placed on men to be manly. I was never pressured to be girly. It came naturally. Simultaneously, I was never told to "be a woman." Yet for some reason, "be a man" is an all too common demand placed upon young American males. From the moment that the sex of the child is determined, his parents are already suppressing him with a gender role. He is a boy. That means one day ... he will be a man. So, they better start to prepare right away! They find it necessary to purchase decor, clothing, and accessories in colors that denote the baby's gender. When the baby is born, they want everyone to know he falls into one category: male. During his first visit to Target in the shopping cart, his mother wants him dressed in blue, as if announcing to everyone, "Hello world, this is my child, and he has a penis!" It all boils down to the anatomy of our genitalia. In that manner, men and women find their differences. But what about the chemical processes that lend to our emotions, desires, and innate intuition? Don't get me wrong, men are more inclined for some activities than women, and vice versa, but when we get down to it, we find that inside of each human body, inside of each earthly vessel, lies a soul. That soul lacks a gender. The soul is the purest, most expressive form of the person. Writing, dancing, singing, painting, nearly all art is more beautiful, appreciated, and valuable when it comes from the soul.
So therein lies the problem. We, as a society, do not allow men to comfortably be expressive. From a young age, boys are told that certain activities are girly and that they need not participate in them. Why do we discourage a young boy who wants to be a dancer while simultaneously encouraging the young lady who wants to be a soccer player? American society is putting gender roles on souls. Children are feelers. They are talented at picking up on the emotions of others. The child is such a malleable being. When young boys are shut down because their expressions are not "masculine enough," they are taught to suppress a part of themselves. Expression is good for the soul. When a child finds a method of expression, it should be nurtured and encouraged. Parents should watch it evolve on its own and not dismiss the child before he has a chance to blossom within his own method of self expression.
Parenting is by no means an easy task, and at 20 years old, I've got no clue when or if I will ever be prepared to raise a tiny human. However, people choose the path of parenthood everyday. When doing so, parents must consider that every little decision shapes the young boy, the future man. It is common in today's world for men to show little emotion, act carelessly, and live recklessly. This is due to the manner in which these young men have been raised; the gender roles assigned to them even before their birth affects their entire life development. When a father shuns his son for writing poetry, the male matures, suppressing his desire to be expressive. When a child falls and scrapes his knee from rough housing and the mother says, "boys will be boys," she is encouraging the future man to be reckless and careless.
Feminism is a huge movement across the globe currently, but we need to cut the men some slack. Women are raised with much more creative and intellectual freedom than men are. So many times, women find themselves in relationships, complaining that the man is not sensitive enough or that he just doesn't get her. He was not trained to be sensitive. He was not trained to understand women. He was trained to be a man. The division between man and woman is hammered into his head at the earliest age. We cannot point fingers and blame parents though. This is a result of generations of lifestyles. As we move progressively towards equality, I find it so incredibly important for women to not get so caught up in themselves and the man-bashing side of feminism. I encourage all women, whether you label yourself as a feminist or not, to consider the pressures that are placed on the American male. When considering equality, consider how men and women are equally unequal. In an article published in 1985, Paul Theroux compares masculinity to "wear[ing] an ill-fitting coat for one's entire life." He also states that contrariwise, he believes "femininity to be an oppressive sense of nakedness." So which is worse: ill-fitting clothing or uncomfortable nudity? They are both uncomfortable in their own ways. Women are so quick to identify as the victims of society's mistreatment, but upon closer examination, I find that men are victims as well.
