Random people constantly tell me how much fun I look like I’m having at school. And hell yeah, I am having that much fun, if not more. Every smile you see in a photo taken at school is a genuine smile. But coming come for break is hard, because excuse my French; high school fucking sucked. So did middle school. This means I don’t have many friends at home who make me smile the way my friends from college do, and I’m writing this because 1) it distracts me from my boredom, 2) it helps pass the time, and 3) I know other people can relate to me.

I pretty much dropped my friends after senior week, except for two people: one who lives 3,000 miles away working in Los Angeles but comes home for some holidays, and one who is still in school and luckily lives nearby. High school friends mean almost nothing to me; and three years later, I’m not afraid to admit that. I made my forever friends in college and I have a lovely family to go home to, so I really couldn’t give two shits if I keep in touch with my friend group from high school (kisses to the “Lunchboxes”). They didn’t exactly make my high school experience the greatest.

However, when I go home for Thanksgiving break and winter break...those are the times it gets a little lonely. I’m not left with absolutely nobody; my brother lives about an hour away from home, the one best friend I kept from school has the same break periods I do, and somehow I still end up at random house parties thrown by kids in my county. But I look on Instagram and Facebook and I see groups from my high school who somehow remained friends. These people visit each other at college constantly, throw parties when they’re home, and even vacation together. I’m not upset that I don’t have this, because I feel absolutely blessed to have met the people that I’m friends with now and I wouldn’t change a thing. But maaaaaan, does it suck coming home and waking up every morning bored and having the gym as really the only place I can go to have fun and socialize.

Looking at who I am now versus who I was back then; it’s a major glo-up. I am confident, I am proud, I am good, I am happier, I am independent (ish), I am real, and I am a better me. So had I been this person years ago, would I have remained friends with the people I was friends with so long ago? Does who you are when you leave your hometown change when you come back months later? Or does who you are when you leave your hometown change when you come back years later? How long does it take before you become a person that you would have wanted to be friends with in grade school? I’ll never know the answers to these questions, but I do know that my hometown is not my favorite place to come back to. But that’s okay, because I love who I have become and I would not have become this person had I not experienced everything I did when I lived here. And I’m so glad I got to meet this better me; I think you’d like me, too.