Divorce is more common now than it has ever been. It seems like most marriages are failing because of one thing or another. At least that is the perspective that I'm looking from: I see through divorce-colored lenses.

Here is my story:

My mom and dad divorced when I was only 6 years old. It was a messy and sticky divorce: court hearings, custody battles, yelling and screaming, tears and a little girl's broken heart. I don't remember a whole bunch of details, but here is what I do remember. I was confused. I was just barely six and I didn't know what divorce was; all I knew was that my parents didn't live together anymore. I was confused. I hated it. Sometimes I questioned if it was all my fault. And every chance I had to make a wish — birthdays, shooting stars, 11:11 — I wished that my parents would get back together. My wishes never came true, and I still have a hard time making wishes now.

Both of my parents remarried. I had two houses. Two rooms, two sets of family rules and values. I had two of pretty much everything. People would often try to offer me encouragement by saying, "Well now you get two Christmases and two birthdays!" Yeah, I had two of every holiday and I got twice the gifts, but I would have given anything to just have one Christmas and one birthday. I would have given everything to not have to raise my hand and say, "Mrs. School Teacher, I forgot my backpack and homework at my dad's (or mom's) house."

It seemed like I lived two different lives. One week, I had step-sisters and the other, I had two younger half-siblings. I hated it. I wanted to be with both parents, but I also wanted stability. I seemed to argue with my mom more than my dad, so when I was 12, I talked to the lawyer and the judge so my dad could have full custody of me. And I wish I could tell you that when I got older it got better, but then my dad and step-mom got a divorce when I was 17 (which is another topic for another day.)

That's my story, and I'll tell you that it has been by far one of the hardest things that I have been through. You hear a lot about how children are resilient and that they can bounce back from a divorce, and sure, we bounce back. But not until we've fallen a few times.

I can't speak for all the children who have been through a divorce, but I know for certain that I can speak for some, especially the ones who witnessed a messy one...the divorce shattered our lives and it broke our hearts. It has made us a little scared to love. If the divorce happened when we were young, we missed out on a lot of our childhood because we were too worried about whose weekend it would be (I personally called this "counting out weekends.") We were stressing about whose holiday it was or how we were going to split this one, or how we could love both parents if they hated each other. It was a never-ending, always-tiring battle to try and live two different lives at once.

And now we see the through divorce-colored lenses...I read a flawless article on Thought Catalog that really hits what it means to see through divorce-colored lenses. Jamie Varon touches the very depths of the heart with her words, "You won’t believe in love the way people who grew up with a single parental unit believe in love. Your fear of commitment will engulf you. The thing people do is they leave. This is what you know to be true. So, you leave first. When it starts becoming emotional and serious, you bail. Because, leaving on your own terms is better than the trauma of being wrenched from the person you love."

There are a lot of things that I catch myself doing or saying that are a result of having divorced parents and seeing the world through a tainted disposition. I could name a bunch, but here are just a few: one, I expect people to leave me. I just assume that if I don't walk away first, I will be standing in the dust of a friend, a future spouse, a family member. Two, sometimes I struggle because my only siblings have a whole different family that I am not part of and never will be. And lastly, I can never say "parents" without reserve. I will almost always refer to them as "mom and dad." Because they are not a unit anymore — they haven't been for a long time.

Hurting hearts of children and adults that witnessed their parents divorce, I am sorry that you had to go through that. You are allowed to grieve and you are allowed to love both parents equally. And there is hope. You can heal from this, just be patient with yourself -- you're doing okay.

And divorced parents, I am not blaming you. Divorce may have been the best option for you, and that is okay. You probably didn't know how it was going to affect us so deeply, and I know you were going through a lot at the time, too. I don't want to blame or shame you in any way. But please do me a favor and tell your kids that you love them and that it's not their fault, because no matter how old we get or how much time has passed since the divorce, we always need to hear it.