Being black with light skin and curlier hair (or even just one or the other) can confuse people way more than I ever thought that it would. Inspired by being mistaken as biracial throughout my life, I have created a message from people like me to others who may not quite understand our thoughts.
There is no such thing as "looking" mixed.
There are black people who could pass for white and there are mixed people who are dark hues of brown. Being African-American has no specific look and not all multiracial people are golden with curly hair. I understand that I may look as if one of my parents may be white, but please understand that genetics are not that simple. It takes more than the skin color and hair texture of parents to make the characteristics of their child. We all have done the Punnett squares in science class, which prove that there is a chance that the offspring can be born with traits that aren't seen in either of the parents.
Don't assume that I'm mixed before asking me if I am multiracial.
"Are you mixed?" should always be asked before, "What are you mixed with?" Although someone may have features similar to other multiracial people you have seen, they may not actually be multiracial. It's not very disrespectful to assume someone is a certain race. Just ask. Most will appreciate your curiosity much more than your guess of what their racial background is, even if you guess correctly. Some people do not like being asked what they are "mixed with." Some feel that this makes them sound like an animal. This does not make those people hyper-sensitive; this just means that they would prefer not to be identified with a term used for food ingredients and dog breeds. To play it safe, ask the person what his or her racial background is.
Do not tell me what color or race I am.
After someone tells you that they are black, leave it at that. Do not rant about how the person does not look black or how he/she is probably mixed but doesn't know it. A person's family tree is between them and their family. They did not hire you to investigate their ancestry. If your friend is the color of a cotton ball and he/she tells you that he/she is black, then congratulations. You have a black friend. Period.
I am not "less black" than anyone else in the black community.
Black community membership does not have levels. No one in the black community is blacker than another member. Some believe that there is a such thing as "light skin privilege" which is a less empowered version of white privilege granted to lighter-skinned black or multiracial people because they appear "less black" than dark skinned people. Even if this does exist, this does not diminish my "blackness." If I identify as black, then I should be black to everyone else. While it is true that light-skinned black people are slightly more likely to have ancestors that were seen as "house Negroes," this does not mean that light-skinned people are predisposed to have an Uncle Tom mentality. Being black comes with multiple shades of people that we should be proud to embrace. It isn't a contest to see who is the most oppressed.
