I will never apologize for who I am. Even when I dislike myself and the way I act in certain situations. I am learning about myself, slowly. What I like, what I dislike, what I am extremely passionate about, and what drives me crazy with rage.

I bottle up my emotions. It's how I cope with anger and sadness. I do not talk about my feelings unless it is a family member or a very close friend. I often find myself though at times, keeping my negative emotions to myself, until I explode.

People often tell me that I need to communicate my emotions more. They tell me that I need change the way that I respond to situations and events in order for them to better comprehend me.

It just doesn't work like that.

Just because someone tells you that you need to do something, doesn't mean that you can instantly halt the way you have been for your entire life.

I am not a robot, you can't just program me to perform a certain way.

There is no on/off switch on human beings.

So when someone tells me that I need to change the way I respond to my own negative emotions, yeah I will listen to them, but that doesn't mean the next day that I will be a completely different person if I agree with what they have said to me.

When you open a new bottle of water, most likely you do not pour it all out at once; you slowly work your way to finishing it. That's what I need to do with myself, I need to slowly work my way to communicating my emotions better.

I guess what I am trying to get at is that it is OK to struggle with change, if you do want to change yourself. Nothing works overnight. Life isn't meant to just turn on and off like a light switch.

Give me time. Give yourself time. Give those people in your life time.

Some people struggle to speak out when it comes to negative emotions, so when they finally say even the slightest bit of something, take a moment and listen. Listen deeply.

It's taking a lot of myself to even write this now; putting myself and how I handle my emotions out there for the world to see. But it is a start to slowly pouring the water out of my own bottle.

Small steps show progress over time.

So please friends, be patient with me.