When I was younger I thought I had the power to change the weather with my mood. In reality, the weather and time of year actually influenced my mood, more specifically my mental health. Like clock work every year my mental health works the same.
Spring is such a hopeful time. Looking forward to the summer, school almost being over, going to see family members all that good stuff. Then summer hits and I am in a three month long euphoria that always seems like it goes by faster than I can think. The fall comes back and I still have some of that hopefulness. I am ready for the new year, I am gonna try so hard in all my classes, I have my goals set. Then depression starts to take over.
It comes on very slow at first. The changing in the leaves are so beautiful, like watching the world being burned over by a paintbrush. I somehow start to loose focus on whats important and focus more on having friends, or playing video games, or trying to ride that last bit of summer high. That's when I start to fall.
Winter is on its way and I always dread the season. it is such a harsh season for the upper Mid-West. I never understand why we live here. I just know that when winter is here, I let it destroy my goals and ideas of what living healthily is. I normally stay inside other than going to work. I keep to myself and avoid anyway of trying to make myself happy. The hardest thing about recovering is actually want to.
This year though, I hope that my understanding for my seasonal depression can influence the way I act. Just like the band The Wonder Years say "It's not about forcing happiness, it's about not letting sadness win."