I've Encountered Many Different Types Of Men In The Dating World As A Trans Woman

I've Encountered Many Different Types Of Men In The Dating World As A Trans Woman

Online Dating: Where your dreams go to die


My friend once said this to me: Online dating is where your dating dreams go to die. I wish I believed her when she first told me, but like the stubborn woman I am- I didn't listen. I considered, naively, stepping back into the dating pool by the end of my second fall quarter as an undergrad student. I downloaded a few apps and proceeded to make my profile intriguing yet beautiful- this "swipe" culture in online dating has significantly reduced the importance of first in-person interactions in my opinion. In joining these apps, I was opening up the possibility of negative and positive feedback, but my high hopes were soon dashed with a number of trans-phobic responses and what I call 'jokes' from insensitive men.

None of your business, bud.

The first message I received said, "Are you a man/woman or woman/man?" I had to laugh at this because what does that even mean? The slash? I told him and he responded with "Let me know when you're a real woman." That crushed me. I immediately responded renouncing his blatant trans-phobia and misguided definitions of what a woman is. After deleting him from chats, I sat and cried on my couch. I felt so invalidated as a person from him- someone I didn't even know. While I learned of how online dating can be awful, I also learned the ineffectiveness of that childhood phrase: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. That is total BS. I dislike hearing that and stop somebody if they are about to say that to me. It is not helpful nor constructive. That is one type of guy I encountered online.

Ugh.....good-bye bro.

Come a few weeks later, I get a message from someone calling me "a goddess." I had to laugh, that was too much for an introduction. This initial attempt to butter me up was nice to hear, but I quickly learned he had ulterior motives- he repeatedly asked for explicit photos which I denied him. He became angered and then ghosted me. This is the second type of guy I came across. Better than someone outright rejecting me for who I am, but treating me as some kind of fetish is a major turn-off. I encountered several other similar characters to him and once it became clear the kind of person they were, I simply walked away to go looking again.

The worst of the worst.

The widespread and institutionalized trans-phobic language I witnessed in this online world showed me the level of people are so insensitive and uneducated on trans-related topics. Most were also unapologetic about their comments even after I responded negatively and called them out. I quickly learned how thick-skinned I would need to become if I were to continue existing on these platforms. After telling myself to remain calm in these situations and take it as an opportunity to teach, more and more men became understanding and started apologizing for offending me. But even after apologizing, they still weren't interested. Oh well. Their loss.

The three types of men over this online experience: the transphobes, the fetishists, and the ones who actually want to go out with you. The third and final guy is the keeper- the kind of man (or person) who doesn't care what body you have, only what kind of person you are. To find someone like this is truly an amazing feeling. This is the best anyone can get.

I remember finding a profile that sparked my interest- he had confidence and he had charisma, all wrapped into a digital profile. I can't fully explain it, but I was captivated by him. We started talking for a few weeks which eventually expanded into a month. Unfortunately, we never ended meeting in person (tragedy struck his personal life and I had to end it so he could heal) but it showed me there are great men (and people) out there, somewhere waiting for us and wanting us as much as we want them. I recognize how cheesy that sounds, but it is true, believe it or not. A big part of navigating this intolerant world is patience- teach yourself to be patient and you will open so many new doors for yourself.

I'm still trying to find other men who resemble him and have come across a few, but I haven't yet experienced what it's like to be able to connect with another person who didn't care about my biology. These types of people make you feel well, human. Validated. Loved. Appreciated. Acknowledged.

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Austin Alexander Burridge, Volunteer Advocate, Shares 3 Great Reasons to Volunteer and Help Others

Austin Alexander Burridge is an avid academic who studies Environmental Science at Winona State University and believes that work in the service of others is a key pillar to personal development.


Sometimes it's easy for someone to adopt a "me, me, me" attitude. While focusing on oneself, a person may feel nice in the moment, but serving and helping others will bring lasting benefits. While there are many great reasons to serve and help others, there are three universal truths that resonate with volunteers around the globe.

Austin Alexander Burridge's 3 Reasons to Volunteer:

1. Accomplishment

Often, people fall into a trap of focusing on themselves when they are feeling down. Maybe someone did not get a job they wanted. Or perhaps a person gets dumped by an expected lifelong companion. Maybe someone feels they have underachieved after looking at Facebook and seeing great things a high school classmate has accomplished. When feeling down, helping others is a proven way to improve one's mood and attitude, and it can provide a sense of pride and accomplishment. The act of giving to those in need is an inherently good action and leaves people with a wonderful feeling of joy.

2. Gratitude

One can become more appreciative of life by serving others that have less. Whether volunteering at a soup kitchen, visiting the elderly at an assisted living center, or helping families after a natural disaster, service enables people to be grateful for what they have. Seeing people who have fewer advantages, especially those who are spirited and thankful for small things, allows one to realize just how fortunate he/she is in life.

3. Friendships

Volunteering is a great way to build meaningful friendships, not only with other volunteers but also with those who are served. One of the most profound and fascinating aspects of these relationships is how volunteers will learn from those served and vice versa. As these special bonds are built, they lead to impactful connections that last for years to come.

Of course, these are just a few reasons to volunteer and serve others. One can never go wrong by helping others as opposed to merely focusing on oneself. Volunteering invariably and inevitably contributes to personal growth, development, and satisfaction.

About Austin Alexander Burridge: Helping others has been of paramount importance to Austin, and as a part of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA), Austin gave back to the community around him. He also has participated in annual peanut butter drives, The Minnesota Sandwich Project for the Homeless and collected canned goods for local food shelters. Additionally, Austin has a passion for the environment, which he pursued when visiting the Galapagos Islands, Ecuador, and the Amazon Rain Forest while studying at the School of Environment Studies, which investigates ecological systems and their sustainability

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Supporting Late-Term Abortion Is Actually The Opposite Of Feminism

Feminism is about gender equality and women supporting women- so shouldn't we support the unborn women of tomorrow?


Before you read this, if you are someone who feels strongly that abortions are the "right" choice and that supporting late-term abortions is a step for woman anywhere, I do not suggest you read this article. However, I do want to write that I support conditional abortions- situations where the birth can kill the mother or where conception occurred because of rape. If someone rapes you, that is not okay by any means, and a baby conceived of rape can be terminated by the mother to avoid PTSD, anxiety, depression, panic attacks, and any other mental health diagnoses. Of course, if a woman can bring a baby into the world to keep or give up for adoption, even if it was the product of rape, she should seek life for the innocent child rather than death. And what a rape victim chooses to do is neither here nor there- and it damn well is not anyone else's business.

So why should it be my business (or anyone's) if women have late-term abortions? Agreeing to murder out of convenience should not be societally accepted as okay. When the law passed in New York for late-term abortions, I did not picture 39-week pregnant women rushing to Planned Parenthood to abort their child because they got cold feet. I highly doubt that is the exact scenario for which the law went into effect for, and that was more so intended for women who did not realize they were pregnant and missed the time period to get a legal abortion.

Not that I support early-term abortion, because all abortion is the same regardless of when it happens during the pregnancy. Killing someone sooner rather than later does not make it less worse.

Excuses about how women are not ready to be mothers, do not have the financial means, would ruin their futures, they would get kicked out, lose their bodies, etc. are just that- excuses. Carrying a child for nine months might be an inconvenience, but killing someone will be on your conscience forever. If murders pleaded their motives to police as a way to justify what they did (excluding self-defense), what difference is it if a woman kills her unborn child?

Planned Parenthood might be taboo and have a stigma attached to it, but it does so much more than kill babies. Planned Parenthood is a place where girls can go to see OB/GYNO, get birth control, and learn about safe sex, protection, STDs, etc. Instead of stigmatizing it, young women should be encouraged to go to this institution for woman and feminism. Let high school health classes plan field trips there so that everyone becomes more educated on female health (boys included!). Female health education is very limited, especially in school, and many women feel that an abortion is their only way out, however, it's not. By becoming more educated, the rate of teen pregnancies can go down, as well as the need for abortions. Women educating other women should be the goal of Planned Parenthood, and abortions should be reserved for those who got raped or whose pregnancy cause death, health complications, etc.

Abortion might be giving women a choice- but who is giving the unborn babies a choice?

And of course the only way to 100% prevent pregnancy is abstinence, and if that is your choice then good for you, and if you choose to have sexual intercourse, good for you too. Be safe. No slut shaming here. Women need to continue supporting other women, regardless of their sex life. Women who have abortions are not "whores" and should not be labeled as such- they are just people whose biology reacted to another person's biology.

If you truly do not want to have a baby, please please please give it up for adoption and do not kill it. It did nothing wrong, and yeah, it might be a little inconvenient to be pregnant, especially if you are in school, but there are hundreds of thousands of people that would love nothing more than to raise your baby. Be a woman supporting other woman and give the gift of motherhood.

If you take away anything from this article it's this:


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