Sometimes I feel very alone in the world. I know I'm not, but it's a hard feeling to shake. If you're like me, read on. Maybe this will help.
Growing up, I was always very shy. It has always been very difficult for me to talk to people. As I've gotten older, I've learned how to put on a mask to talk to people, but I still struggle and it's mentally draining.
When I do make a friend, I want to talk to them all the time. I'm finally comfortable with someone and everything is great! There are a couple of problems, though. How am I going to make friends if I can't talk to people? My anxious mind makes it incredibly difficult to make friends in the first place. Then, when someone finally breaks through that shell of mine, my anxious mind goes to work again. All I can think is, "What if they only talk to me because they feel bad for me? Am I texting them too much? Am I annoying them? Can they even handle me?" It's a never ending struggle.
There are times that I've been right. A lot of times, people do just feel sorry for me. Some of them just can't handle the façade for very long. They pretend to be there for you during the good times, but during the bad times they just disappear and never come back. I've learned that you can't just trust anyone. They have to give you a reason to trust them. Those people that don't stick around? They're not worth your time or effort. They're not the kind of people you want in your life anyway. To those people, thank you for the lessons learned.
Many times, my mind is totally wrong about someone. Those people are the greatest. They're there with you during the highest highs and the lowest lows. You can trust them with anything and they can trust you with anything. I may not have the most friends, but I'd be willing to bet that the bonds I have with my few friends are stronger than any others. I know they'll always be there if I need anything. I won't say that my mind doesn't still ask those same questions, because it does. Time after time, those people prove my mind wrong. To those friends, thank you for everything. Thank you for being real with me and not pretending to be a friend. For bringing me good times when I'm down and great ones when I'm up. For sticking with me through thick and thin and never leaving just because of my anxious mind. I'm so thankful for you and the happiness you bring. Thank you for being in it for the long haul and being lifetime friends. You truly are the greatest kind of people. You are the good in the world. One day, you will change the world with your greatness and I'm so fortunate to be able to call you my friends.
To those that also feel like I do, you're not alone. I and many others feel just like you do. Keep your chin up! If you haven't already, you'll find one of those true friends soon. Keep being strong like you have been all this time. In the end, it'll all be okay
