My heart is heavy, friends. This year has already been full of tragedies, both global and local, and sometimes it is hard to find the light. This is a brief meditation or prayer on grief, vaguely inspired by individual stories and a line taken from an Emily Dickinson poem.

It is only the first month of the year, friends. There will be many more tragedies, and many more moments of joy and goodness and hope, that I know. Enjoy.

how do you move on from this

how do you stop the hurt

the grief

the mourning

the “i miss you’s”

and the “i wish you were here’s”

and the “mama i dreamed about you’s”

[mama, i dreamed about you]

how do you move on from the gunshot wound in your heart

the shrapnel under your skin

how do you -

[get off the floor

learn to be again]

when you can’t

even

breathe

how do you find the strength to fall in love with the world all over again

after something like this

after it has taken

and taken

and taken

all the light from the sky

and it is cold

and dark

and you are so alone -

and cold

and everything in you aches

but you aren’t

alone

the comments say

“i am here for you”

and

“just hang on, baby girl”

and

“i miss her too”

your fingertips hovering over your phone screen say

“i am still here

let me help you process this

let me call someone for you

let me find you a friend"

and

your aching heart is still beating

and your skin will warm

your eyes will brighten

that thing in your chest that aches and bleeds

that thing that flutters

like baby bird wings

the thing with feathers

is

hope

and it is here

with you

in this darkness

and it won’t

let

go.