My heart is heavy, friends. This year has already been full of tragedies, both global and local, and sometimes it is hard to find the light. This is a brief meditation or prayer on grief, vaguely inspired by individual stories and a line taken from an Emily Dickinson poem.
It is only the first month of the year, friends. There will be many more tragedies, and many more moments of joy and goodness and hope, that I know. Enjoy.
how do you move on from this
how do you stop the hurt
the grief
the mourning
the “i miss you’s”
and the “i wish you were here’s”
and the “mama i dreamed about you’s”
[mama, i dreamed about you]
how do you move on from the gunshot wound in your heart
the shrapnel under your skin
how do you -
[get off the floor
learn to be again]
when you can’t
even
breathe
how do you find the strength to fall in love with the world all over again
after something like this
after it has taken
and taken
and taken
all the light from the sky
and it is cold
and dark
and you are so alone -
and cold
and everything in you aches
but you aren’t
alone
the comments say
“i am here for you”
and
“just hang on, baby girl”
and
“i miss her too”
your fingertips hovering over your phone screen say
“i am still here
let me help you process this
let me call someone for you
let me find you a friend"
and
your aching heart is still beating
and your skin will warm
your eyes will brighten
that thing in your chest that aches and bleeds
that thing that flutters
like baby bird wings
the thing with feathers
is
hope
and it is here
with you
in this darkness
and it won’t
let
go.
