It’s been a few months since you and your ex broke up. In fact, things are at the point where you guys are now “friends” – essentially, you’re civil (to their face) and don’t feel like hurling every time you run into them on campus. But, there’s a part in each of you (be it a very small, possibly infinitesimal) that can’t help but sometimes reminisce about “back when.” Couple that notion with the atmospheres of cuffing season and Christmas break, and you just might find yourselves meeting up for “old times sake.” You try to justify it by reasoning with your friends—“it’s fine, completely platonic. I swear nothing’s going to happen! We’re friends who want to hang out, that’s all.” While this may be your original motive (doubtful) you just might find that original spark still there (albeit very, very dim..), and before you know what happened one thing led to another and you wake up with something that’s only slightly less shameful than a random one-night stand. And with that being said, you may just discover that a one-night stand with your ex and a meal at McDonald’s have more in common than you think. Here’s how:
- It’s convenient. Why go through the time and effort of finding someone new when you have a more accessible situation at hand? If all you want is a grab-and-go type scenario, then what makes more sense than the ex-for-sex??
- It’s predictable. You know exactly what you’re getting. Here’s the thing about new situations—they’re unpredictable. People have different ways of behaving in situations and sometimes that can be frightening. A Big Mac with fries is always going to be the same, and similarly, so will the physical dynamic between you and your ex. The leap out of your comfort zone can sometimes be scary, so you may just find yourself leaping into their arms instead (disclaimer: an estimated 105% of individuals say they wish they would’ve taken the leap of faith in hindsight).
- Instant regrets. You will probably hate yourself after. I get it. McDonald’s is great. It satisfies your hunger and probably tasted pretty good too. But when you realized that the small meal you consumed had just as many calories as Thanksgiving dinner, the panic will set in, along with the regrets. You’ll realize that you chose instant gratification over long-term satisfaction, and you’ll resolve to do better next time. In fact, your diet starts now. This brings us to phase four.
- Cut yourself off. Once you realize the entire situation was due to a lapse in judgment, you’ll rethink your life choices and resolve to stay away. No more McDonald’s, and no more 3am “hiii whatr u doin I misz u” texts (at least to this person!). I mean what were you thinking going to McDonald’s anyways?? But lesson learned, we all make mistakes. Obviously this will never happen again, it was a one-time thing. And of course it was. Next time you want a quick and easy fix, there’s always Burger King, Taco Bell, and your long list of ex-lovers. And so the cycle continues.
