We all know how the story goes: You get a few shots in you, a little liquid courage one might say, and suddenly you're ready to tell your ex everything you were too nice or too scared to say when you were together. This normally leads to a morning full of regret and trying to decode exactly what it was you sent to them.
This is not what I mean when I say you should reach out to one of your past loves--or flings. I'm talking about the before 9:00 p.m., during the week, sober text. Normally started by a, "Hey, how are you?" Now I know what you must be thinking, "But Ali, what about my pride, feminism, global warming??" Guess, what none of those things matter. In this context anyway, please still keeping fighting for equal pay and recycling.
What I'm asking is, would the world really end if you texted your ex looking for closure? The answer is no, it won't. This epiphany comes from personal experience. Last week after doing some self reflection, and being prompted by my mother, I decided to reach out to my ex. We have been broken up for a year now, and didn't really end on good terms. He's not exactly the one that got away, but he's never really left my heart either.
The conversation started easily enough, a couple 'how are you's', some questions about school and family, and the ice was quickly beginning to thaw. The next day more standard texting happened and then very quickly our relationship's demise came into the picture. It was harder than I thought to hear the other side of our breakup, but it was so necessary. We both were holding onto so much anger, mostly stemming from the confusion of facts, that we were finally able to process through, together.
It became quickly apparent that lack of communication and just plain busyness sealed the nail in the proverbial coffin. We've both grown as people since then thankfully, but knowing places where we could better ourselves is priceless.
Where he and I go from here is yet to be discovered. Regardless though of whether this ends in friendship or just a clean break, I'm extremely grateful for the closure we've both been granted. It's scary reaching out to someone, who had so much of your heart, looking for answers as to why they couldn't stay there.
If you're on the fence about this, ask yourself a few questions: Why did we break up? Is there any confusion as to why we broke up? Was he/she a jerk? Are they still on my mind/in my heart? Answering these questions will give you a better idea about if you should reach out.
Don't listen to that fourth tequila shot telling you to text your ex and "jus giv em a peace ur minf", that will get you nowhere really fast. But if you find yourself reflecting one day on life and needing to close one last door, don't let your pride stand in the way of something great.
