My name is Christopher Joseph Garino; nearly two years ago, I graduated from West Morris Central High School. Within that time my life has changed dramatically from what it was. I’m in a happy relationship with my girlfriend (who goes to the same school as me which is amazing), I have a high paying job at a law firm, and I go to a school that allows me to expand my brain as far as it’s willing to go, and then maybe a little further. Tonight, January 14, 2016, I’m writing my article for The Odyssey website and am getting my clothes ready for work. Four years ago tonight, I stared at the ceiling of my bedroom and wondered, like I did every night, what I was doing so wrong. Why I could never be athletic enough, or tough enough, or good enough in general for qualities high school kids looked for in a person. As you can conclude from my inability to fit that profile, I was not a very popular kid and was bullied pretty frequently.
Being a part of the “unpopular” crowd in high school is about as important to the world as a piece of wet toast, but it taught me an important experience I’d like to share with you, whoever is reading this, young or old.
Growing up, my dad taught me that the only way to prove yourself to others is to fight for your right to be yourself. It was a philosophy I tried to carry through my childhood as I challenged anyone who sought to make me feel like a lesser person and was ostracized for it. Eventually, I stopped fighting and realized that I needed to prove myself to others in order to discover what I wanted/liked; I needed approval from others in order to make myself happier. No matter what it was I liked or wanted to do, it didn’t matter to me because I thought as long as nobody else cared about it nobody would want to be around me. By the time high school had come along, I was with a group of friends who didn’t appreciate me as often as I did them and would make me do stuff they didn’t want to do (like throw out their garbage) so they could stay friends with me. It was humiliating and I hated it, but the most important thing to me at the time was that people respected me, or so I thought. Walking into high school, I was going through a plethora of problems as my family was going through a transitional period because of the losses of both my uncle and grandfather on top of a few problems in my social life. I thought these issues would make others sympathize with me and make them stop the abuse; little did I know that my problems had just barely begun.
A month into my freshman year my group of friends went to the principal’s office and told the administration that I had threatened their lives, a situation that would have placed me in serious trouble if it weren’t for one of those friends who stuck up for me. He provided evidence and gave his word to the principal that I didn’t seek to commit any wrongdoing. Seeing the conflict between myself and that group, he forbade me from spending time with them under threat of suspension and ordered the group to report me if I attempted to spend time with them. Trying to make friends with other students never ended well as they either used me to do something they wanted and cut me loose or just didn’t want to be bothered with me. Losing all self-respect for myself, I let my grades fall through the cracks which didn’t make my parents happy, and I stopped doing things for myself which didn’t make me happy. I kept a lot of the feelings I had to myself because I either couldn’t trust anyone or didn’t want my family to worry about me. As the year went by, I started to open myself up to some of the friends in that group who treated me well and went out of their way to help me. One particular friend always stuck his neck out for me and helped me put myself out there more and become more social.
As I opened myself up more and more I learned a lesson I should have learned years ago: giving up and answering to others wasn’t the solution, but neither was fighting. I finally realized that the opinions of other people shouldn’t matter and that the real important thing was how I saw myself. At the end of the day, people can harp on you all they want, but if you let them in and let them hurt you or let them make you into something you’re not then their ridicule is as much as your conscience as theirs. Doing what you love and being who you want to be (as long as it doesn’t hurt you or others) is how you meet people and how you build your own self-respect and confidence.
Sure enough, my revelation worked for me; as I focused on what I liked doing like marching band, theatre, swimming, and writing, I began to meet people who liked the same things I liked. I made tons of new friends (many from that old group) who finally began to see me for the real me and vice versa which kept me busy and built up my confidence. Each organization I joined taught me something new. Marching band taught me the importance of showmanship and working as a unit, swimming taught me how to make friends and rely on others as much as myself, and theatre taught me the importance of ingenuity and how to react to situations organically. The most important lesson I learned, however, was through my choice to take part in the yearly student talent show. I signed up as a stand-up comedian which was something I had never done before. When writing my act I didn’t have a clue of what to write about or how to write it properly; in a sense it was the ultimate test of my transition from reliant to independent. I needed the audience to like me, to appreciate my sense of humor, and to relate to my jokes in order for the act to run smoothly. Eventually, I just wrote as if I was talking to my friends and people loved it. The second year I did it I actually won second place. After this I realized that I was weird, awkward, all over the place, nerdy, unorganized, a little lazy, and a complete spaz, but those qualities make me who I am.
We live in a world that embraces mediocrity and makes people afraid to be different, so why settle for less and be what you don’t want to be? Running from yourself is all well and good, but when you’ve run to the moon and back you won’t want to do it again. Instead of running, start flying as the person you want to be instead of what the world around you wants you to be. You may not be able to do everything you want in life, but you at least have the right to embrace your dreams and try. Without getting too cheesy, I’d just like to say that whoever you are reading this: you matter. Maybe not to me, but to yourself. Use your strengths to change the world and your weaknesses to inspire others, make the world your playground, and make yourself happy. You matter as much as you make yourself matter. Regardless of what others think of you what’s really important is how you see yourself. Other people can shape your self-image and hurt you, but don’t let them. If you know you matter, then you do. In the end, what’s important is that you live life on your own terms and that you make you important to you.
