With So Many Matches, How Come I Can't Start A Fire In My Heart?

With So Many Matches, How Come I Can't Start A Fire In My Heart?

What do you do when you can't seem to hold interest anymore?


My friends and family have always told me never to lower my standards for any guy; that I deserve the upmost perfection in a significant other. I have always believed that they are right because I never want to change who I am, what I believe in or who I want to become because of someone in my life…I want them right there beside me through it all.

But recently even internet dating just seems to lay flat for me.

No matter the app, website or social media I use, the pattern is always the same. The boy messages me and I’m excited. I meet every message with a smile on my face. About ten minutes into the conversation that feeling dies and I cannot be bothered to respond.

I always pinpoint the problem to something that they did. He definitely sent too many winky faces, he asked too many questions and I bet the compliments that he’s feeding me are so manufactured they have stood the test of time; much like a McDonald’s happy meal. But really I am starting to believe that internet dating just isn't for me.

What I am saying is that my expectations are getting ridiculously high with the addition of more internet dating possibilities. I mean that I am giving little to nothing and demanding everything in return. I am curious about him for about five minutes before getting bored and making up an excuse for not answering; and then scrolling through the other possibilities. I have become what I have set out to avoid, someone who does not see the value in meeting new people.

I believe that this boredom also stems from an addiction to romanticism. I have never dated and I have never had a serious relationship but that does not mean I haven’t thought about it. I have often thought of who my future partner would be right before bed, and I have taken those surveys/quizzes that describe your perfect dream guy. This has lead me to not giving a guy the time of day just because he doesn't tick off one of those boxes in the first five minutes.

By all means I am not saying ladies drop your standards and go with any guy you please but what I am saying that we might want to make sure we hold up our end of the bargain. and personally I know I haven't due to the lack of time that I give every new guy I meet. By all means, message that guy first, ask invasive and deep questions and give someone a chance that you may not have a year ago. It may end with nothing special but it could also begin something beautiful.

Another thing I personally believe I could do is rely less on social media and dating applications to be my entrance out into "dating land". Going out to events, bars, coffee shops or any public place could be the step needed to meet that one person.

Not to shame dating apps because I believe they work well in some aspects and give connections to people further away from us that may be perfect matches. I just believe that some of us are better at speaking in person than through text; I know it is almost unreal that there are some of us still out there but it is true.

Sometimes dating apps don’t work well and sometimes they do; and at the end of the day the only question to answer is what way is better for you? Finding that outlet and not losing interest in it is the key. If you have been on dating sites for months maybe it is time to put the pup on the leash and go to the dog park, you never know who you might meet.

I think by all of this rambling my message to you is simple. Keep your eyes open and your heart clear. Stay true to who you are but be open to what may be different or new to you, within what you feel comfortable with of course. Never underestimate the power of a meeting with a stranger for the possibilities are endless. If you never lose sight to the beauty that is the concept of love than you will never lose hope.

And if you start to lose interest be honest to yourself. Delete the application, stop going out to bars. Do not continue ways you find unsuccessful or that you lack excitement for. Who wants a boring relationship that you feel like you need to have when you could have so much more? You deserve so much more.

Never stop loving.

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