A few weeks ago, I read an article by a colleague of mine entitled "Feminism Rebranded." It was written by a man. And I thought, "Whoop-de-doo! Now men can tell women how to support women's rights! We really are living in the 21st century." It was a celebratory moment for women everywhere.
So, I figured, since men can rebrand feminism, I could take a hack at rebranding masculinity. But, hopefully, I can give myself a smidgen of credibility before I do. First, although I am a woman and therefore have no firsthand experience with masculinity, I do have two amazing jobs that give me a peek into the world of masculinity and how it is stuck in the wrong century. See, I work at both the Child Development Center and Chick-fil-A, and in both places, I work with boys in incredibly different stages of life. And I can see that masculinity is trying to change, but society is refusing to let it budge.
At the Child Development Center (CDC), my kids are uninhibited by societal norms. For the most part, they are allowed to play with whatever they want, and there is no judgment about their choices. They are free to define themselves as they please.
Yet by the age of 6, "masculinity" has already begun to affect them. Boys are teased for playing with the Polly Pockets. Girls scream in horror if they pick up the pink play-dough. The little boy singing "Let it Go" on the playground is laughed at by the older children. So there are obviously rules and guidelines for this "masculinity" that children are picking up very quickly. But where do they come from?
Masculinity is defined in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary as simply "relating to or suited to men or boys." It is our society that has placed these regulations. According to the Good Men Project, modern masculinity teaches that "men had to be tough, quiet, suppressive of emotions emotions, and were satisfied only surface-level friendships and relationships." Yet according to Carlos Andrés Gómez author of "ManUp: Reimagining Modern Manhood," "So much about toxic masculinity is all about hoping the world doesn't see how hard you're trying. Whether it's a guy rocking 28-inch rims, or a guy outside of a party with his shirt ripped off, beating his chest, yelling at the top of his lungs — it's all about this performance. It's all a performance to hope the world doesn’t see that there’s a little boy in there who’s shaking and scared and hurting."
Which brings us to the teenage boys I work with at Chick-fil-A. They are in the middle of the masculinity battlegrounds, with insults and orders being thrown at them from every side. Their peers, their fathers and their role models have all defined masculinity in their own way, and in order to fit in, these boys are trying their hardest to please every definition.
In reality however, society is changing rapidly, and the definition of masculinity is stuck in the past. As women's involvement in the workforce grows, the need for "paternity leaves" is rising. As LGBT pride becomes more integrated in our society, the homophobic views held by many men in attempts to appear more "manly" become more and more out of place. As rape statistics rise, respect for a woman's body needs to become one of the cornerstones of masculinity. And as suicide rates for men rise, we need to reconsider what really makes a man.
Honestly, there is no set definition of masculinity, nor should there be. Everyone is different, and holding men up to a certain standard because of their gender can only hurt our society. Gender cannot be defined by personality traits or interests. Men should have the freedom to define themselves and their interests.
There needs to be a new definition of masculinity, much broader than the one in times past. Men need to rebrand what makes a man. And at the forefront should be respect. Respect women and respect yourselves, because truly, that is the best definition of masculinity I can imagine.
