Last week, I wrote about toxic masculinity and my experience with that in an encounter involving a handshake. I would like to explore this even further and look at how else toxic masculinity works its way into our lives.
In particular, I am thinking of catcalling. Now, this is something that I do not see happening as much, but I am aware that it is a larger problem in bigger cities. I have had some thoughts about how catcalling is bad, but when I, a woman, compliment another woman, that is seen as something that is nice and pure, rather than harmful. Is this simply because I am a woman? Is it because I possess no threat to the safety to the other? Does it have to do with the way in which I phrase the compliment?
Catcalling is defined as being sexual in nature, so is that where the difference is? But in a world where women are openly allowed to be in relationships with women, one cannot assume that a women complimenting another women is inherently heterosexual.
When I compliment women, it is because of a few reasons. First, they either look nice or did something nice, and I believe that they deserve recognition for that. Second, as a women, I know how nice it is to be complimented by other women. When men compliment women, it is because they want to make that woman feel uncomfortable, they want to sleep with that woman, or they want to assert their dominance over that woman. Men feed off of the power that is given to them by making a woman feel scared or uncomfortable. Last week I talked about how toxic masculinity causes a world where men feel the need to assert their dominance, to be the Alpha Male. Alpha Males are considered to be a good thing by our society.
Now, not all males give in to toxic masculinity and aggressive dominance, but enough do to make the world a scary place. As a society, as people, we should be working to change this. We should be making efforts to make the world a safe place for others. People should not feel frightened to exist. It is up to women to help others feel safe. Compliment each other, show love and compassion. Call out people who use fear to acquire what they want. Do not let people get away with scare tactics.
And men, it is up to you to make an active effort towards positive compliments. Tell a woman that her dress is pretty rather than saying you would like to see it on your bedroom floor. It too, perhaps more so than for women, is up to you to call out those who are skeevy and aggressive in their compliments. Call out those who are blatantly catcalling women, with no pretense of it being a compliment. This will not get better if we do not make an effort to make it better.
So, go out into the world and make a difference. Spread love. Destroy hate and fear. Be a good person, and the world will be good to you.
