32. Washington Football Team

Mascot: Nothing but vibes I guess (as seen from the photo above)

My Ranking: 32- I'm super glad that this team finally ditched their old mascot, but there could have been a little more effort to come up with a new one.

31. Kansas City Chiefs

Mascot: Chiefs/K.C. Wolf

My Ranking: 31- Sad to do this to Patrick Mahomes, but the history behind this mascot name makes me very unhappy.

30. San Francisco 49ers

Mascot: 49ers/Sourdough Sam (couldn't find a good picture)

My Ranking: 30- Hopefully the last of the problematic mascots (fingers crossed), but honoring the 1849 gold rush where I've discovered thousands of Indigenous people were killed is not the move.

29. Cleveland Browns

Mascot: Browns/Chomps

My Ranking: 29- This one had me worried, but it's just some dude's last name.

28. Green Bay Packers

Mascot: Packers

My Ranking: 28- I hate packing as much as the next person but devoting a whole team to it? Seems strange.

27. Pittsburgh Steelers

Mascot: Steelers/Steely McBeam (couldn't find a good picture)

My Ranking: 27- Another weird one, not to mention the name Steely McBeam sounds like a child came up with it.

26. Los Angeles Chargers

Mascot: Chargers

My Ranking: 26- It's funnier if you imagine a bunch of phone and laptop chargers coming at you.

25. Arizona Cardinals

Mascot: Cardinals/Big Red

My Ranking: 25- I just keep repeating the line "And I'm still Big Red" from the cheer in Bring It On.

24. Baltimore Ravens

Mascot: Ravens/Poe (couldn't find a good picture)
My Ranking: 22- I mean, if it's a fight against Edgar Allan Poe, then they'd win.

23. Houston Texans

Mascot: Texans/Toro

My Ranking: 23- I dig Toro's gloves, but they also look sort of like his hands are covered in blood. The blood of their opponents perhaps?

22. New England Patriots

Mascot: Patriots/Pat Patriot

My Ranking: 22- I'm just waiting for those massive eyebrows to slither off his face.

21. Los Angeles Rams

Mascot: Rams/Rampage

My Ranking: 21- It looks so furry; I want to touch it so bad.

20. Miami Dolphins

Mascot: Dolphins/T.D.

My Ranking: 20- There's no porpoise (see what I did there?) for giving him a helmet so small.

19. Indianapolis Colts

Mascot: Colts/Blue

My Ranking: 19- Is Blue giving us a mask photoshoot?

18. Denver Broncos

Mascot: Broncos/Miles

My Ranking: 18- He's at the top of my list in snow angel form.

17. Buffalo Bills

Mascot: Bills/Billy Buffalo (couldn't find a good picture)

My Ranking: 17- I know technically their mascot is a bill, but come on, they couldn't name themselves the Buffalo buffalos, so I'm going to still count them as buffalo, because that's what they are at heart.

16. Seattle Seahawks

Mascot: Seahawks/Blitz

My Ranking: 16- Those wings are epic.

15. Atlanta Falcons

Mascot: Falcons/Freddie Falcon

My Ranking: 15- Just like Freddie, I, too, go straight for the cupcakes.

14. Philadelphia Eagles

Mascot: Eagles, Swoop

My Ranking: 14- Not much of a reason for this one, just flies in the middle of the pack (ba dum tss).

13. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Mascot: Buccaneers/Captain Fear

My Ranking: 13- Well, the fear thing wasn't an exaggeration, because WTF is wrong with this guy? Don't let kids within a hundred feet- they'll be scarred for life.

12. Las Vegas Raiders

Mascot: Raiders/Raider Rusher (couldn't find a good picture)

My Ranking: 12- A raider is basically just another name for pirate just like a buccaneer. The only main difference is this team's mascot won't haunt my dreams (Although if you look it up, it's honestly not much better).

11. Dallas Cowboys

Mascot: Cowboys/Rowdy

My Ranking: 11- If you're reading this Dak, I love you.

10. Minnesota Vikings

Mascot: Vikings/Viktor

My Ranking: 10- Bonus points for being featured in a Lizzo song.

9. New York Jets

Mascot: Jets

My Ranking: 9- Pick your poison. A fancy, flying airplane or some jazz-squaring youths from West Side Story. Both equally scary options.

8. Jacksonville Jaguars

Mascot: Jaguars/Jaxon De Ville

My Ranking: 8- Whoever wears the mascot suit here does not get paid enough.

7. Carolina Panthers

Mascot: Panthers/Sir Purr

My Ranking: 7- Just like Sir Purr, I, too, would also like to pose with a Krispy Kreme sign.

6. Cincinnati Bengals

Mascot: Bengals/Who Dey (couldn't find a good picture)

My Ranking: 6- Calling themselves Bengals instead of plain-old tigers gives some extra spice that I appreciate.

5. Detroit Lions

Mascot: Lions/Roary

My Ranking: 5- This mascot's name and long, brown hair is making me really want to make a Gilmore Girls reference.

4. Chicago Bears

Mascot: Bears/Staley Da Bear

My Ranking: 4- It's sort of like mask inception here.

3. New York Giants

Mascot: Giants

My Ranking: 3- Didn't work out well for Jack circa Jack & the Beanstalk. Or did it? I honestly can't remember how that fairytale ended.

2. New Orleans Saints

Mascot: Saints/Sir Saint/Gumbo

My Ranking: 2- Saints have the Big Guy on their side, and I wouldn't bet against him.

1. Tennessee Titans

Mascot: Titans/ T-Rac

My Ranking: 1- The raccoon aside (although you do love to see it), not a lot beats a Titan... Unless you were any other football team in the Omaha Metro, then you regularly beat the Titans at my high school.