I am at a point in my life where I don't care for relationships. I don't need to be in one. I like my alone time and I don't like making compromises, and I especially hate spending the night with people. I am also at a point in my life where marriage does not really make sense to me. I get the reasoning behind it: find the one special person to spend the rest of your life with. But does that really make sense?
I recently watched the first season of Aziz Ansari’s new show "Master of None" in five hours. I really like Aziz, okay? The show is based on the premise of dating in the modern era. In one particular episode, he imagines proposing to his girlfriend and doesn't really understand why people get married either.
The officiant in his daydream brings up some really good points:
“Do you, Dev, take Rachel to be your partner in a possibly outdated institution in order to have a ‘normal’ life? Are you ready to give up an idealistic search for a soul mate and try to make it work with Rachel so you can move forward with your life?”
“And do you, Rachel, promise to make a crazy eternal bond with this gentleman who you happen to be dating at this stage in your life when people normally get married?”
This episode brings to light what I question about marriage, too. We push ourselves to be married and starting a family by age 30. But what if that person you're with at 30 is someone you don’t want to start a family with? What if you do not want to start a family at all? Getting married and having children are two things that are assumed we are all going to do. I am constantly asked “When you get married?” or “When you have kids?” but it never starts with “if.” What if I am happy casually dating?
In Aziz’s book, "Modern Romance," he explains that searching for the ideal woman is like searching for the ideal taco: “I’ll do a rigorous amount of research to make sure I’m getting the best taco I can find, because to me there’s a huge difference in the taco experience.” People say dating is just practice for marriage, but if you think of it that way, you’re constantly looking for that “soulmate.” When do you know there isn’t anyone out there better? When have you found the perfect taco? Apparently, the cut off time is around age 30, and whatever you have there is the one.
For me, I really like tacos. I'm not ready to give up taste-testing tacos and I don't think I ever will be, because I know there are so many tacos I haven't tried. That doesn't mean one day I will have the best taco ever and realize I do not want any other taco, but that day could be forever away. I'm not going to pressure myself to commit to a decent taco, but I'm also not going to make myself dislike the taco I have in the moment, because it's still pretty tasty. The analogy of delicious food makes more sense than marriage.
Why do we have to get married? Half of marriages end in divorce in the United States. Is it because they have realized that this person was conveniently there when they wanted to be married? Marriage is a beautiful thing, but it shouldn't be abused just because it’s the “normal” thing to do.
