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March Madness: Mascot Matchup

Try saying that 5 times fast.

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March Madness: Mascot Matchup

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March Madness might be canceled this year, and every sport fanatic is still at home nursing a broken heart, but I may have a semi solution. Using my normal mascot-deciding formula that I've done several times before, I have worked my way through the bracket and found our national champion- at least of the mascot variety. I used the most recent bracket on ESPN as a basis for my choices, and I just hope that this article brings you just a sliver of happiness that our beloved sports usually grant us.

Omaha Regional: #1 Kansas vs. #16 Siena

https://pixabay.com/photos/st-bernard-outdoor-st-bernard-barry-3485788/

The Matchup: Jayhawks vs. St. Bernards

Winner: Siena

Beethoven versus a measly, little bird equals the first upset of the bracket.

Omaha Regional: #8 Houston vs. #9 Marquette

https://pixabay.com/photos/cougar-feline-animal-zoo-close-up-166712/

The Matchup: Cougars vs. Golden Eagles

Winner: Houston

Rawr XD, am I right?

Sacramento Regional: #5 Auburn vs. #12 Liberty

https://pixabay.com/photos/tiger-big-cat-big-cats-animal-world-2535888/

The Matchup: Tigers vs. Eagles/Flames

Winner: Auburn

If I see another eagle mascot, I'm going to lose it.

Sacramento Regional: #4 Wisconsin vs. #13 North Texas

https://pixabay.com/photos/adler-white-tailed-eagle-bald-eagle-2386314/

The Matchup: Badgers vs. Eagles

Winner: North Texas

Fine. I'll let the eagles win one.

Greensboro Regional: #6 Iowa vs. #11East Tennessee State

https://pixabay.com/vectors/pirate-crossbones-skull-flag-bones-47705/

The Matchup: Hawkeyes vs. Pirates

Winner: East Tennessee State

Pirates have always been superior. Exhibit A: Killian Jones from Once Upon a Time.

Greensboro Regional: #3 Duke vs. #14 Belmont

https://twitter.com/DukeWGOLF/status/661337090676887553/photo/1

The Matchup: Blue Devils vs. Bruins

Winner: Duke

Lol, shoutout to the Duke women's golf team from 5 years ago for making an appearance in this photo.

St.Louis Regional: #7 Providence vs. #10 Arizona State

https://twitter.com/ASUFootball/status/1195450399190220800/photo/1

The Matchup: Friars vs. Sun Devils

Winner: Arizona State

Haha, It's an actual man of God against a devil, how funny. We all know the devil won't play fair though.

St. Louis Regional: #2 Kentucky vs. #15 North Dakota State

https://pixabay.com/photos/bison-buffalo-usa-beef-wild-60592/

The Matchup: Wildcats vs. Bison

Winner: North Dakota State

This furry son of a beesting is not to be trifled with.

Cleveland Regional: #1 Dayton vs. #16 Boston University

https://pixabay.com/photos/us-air-force-pilot-aircraft-jet-77909/

The Matchup: Flyers vs. Terriers

Winner: Dayton

One can fly, so not a tough matchup.

Cleveland Regional: #8 Colorado vs. #9 Florida

https://pixabay.com/photos/crocodile-tooth-reptile-alligator-1660512/

The Matchup: Buffaloes vs. Gators

Winner: Florida

Florida can tell Colorado to see you later, alligator. Haha, good one.

Greensboro Regional: #5 Butler vs. #12 Texas

https://pixabay.com/photos/longhorn-steer-cattle-animals-4091042/

The Matchup: Bulldogs vs. Longhorns

Winner: Texas

I have a feeling that bulldogs aren't going to be very lucky in this tournament.

Greensboro Regional: #4 Maryland vs. #13 Akron

https://pixabay.com/photos/turtle-rock-animal-nature-water-1213136/

The Matchup: Terrapins vs. Zips

Winner: Maryland

The irony of a very slow turtle versus something literally named Zip is not lost on me, but I've said it once & I'll say it again, I don't know what a Zip even is.

Albany Regional: #6 Penn State vs. #11 NC State

https://pixabay.com/photos/lion-predator-dangerous-mane-3576045/

The Matchup: Nittany Lions vs. Wolfpack

Winner: Penn State

Two apex predators. One victor. Decisions, decisions.

Albany Regional: #3 Villanova vs. #14 Hofstra

https://pixabay.com/photos/lion-predator-mane-big-cat-yawn-3317670/

The Matchup: Wildcats vs. Lions

Winner: Hofstra

Since Villanova is in the middle of a permanent identity crisis & can't pick one specific cat to be their mascot, I'm giving it to the school with the funky name but dependable creature.

Tampa Regional: #7 West Virginia vs. #10 Utah State

https://twitter.com/SInow/status/651928928932732928/photo/1

The Matchup: Mountaineers vs. Aggies

Winner: West Virginia

Country Roads, take me home, to the place I beloooooooonnnnnnnggggggggg.

Tampa Regional: #2 Florida State vs. #15 Northern Kentucky

https://pixabay.com/illustrations/viking-character-drawing-guerrero-4898879/

The Matchup: Seminoles vs. Vikings

Winner: Northern Kentucky

Having a viking as your mascot seems much less racist than what FSU currently has, so we have a winner.

Spokane Regional: #1 Gonzaga vs. #16 Prairie View A&M

https://pixabay.com/photos/black-panther-jaguar-feline-3466399/

The Matchup: Bulldogs vs. Panthers

Winner: Prairie View A&M

Sorry, doggos.

Spokane Regional: #8 LSU vs. #9 Oklahoma

https://pixabay.com/photos/tiger-cat-big-cat-animal-predator-3264048/

The Matchup: Tigers vs. Sooners

Winner: LSU

Wow, this matchup looks eerily familiar, and I have a feeling that it would end in LSU's favor again.

Spokane Regional: #5 Michigan vs. #12 Yale

https://pixabay.com/photos/animal-world-mammal-nature-animal-3065318/

The Matchup: Wolverines vs. Bulldogs

Winner: Michigan

Hugh Jackman: 1 The smart peeps: 0

Spokane Regional: #4 Oregon vs. #13 New Mexico State

https://pixabay.com/photos/duck-wild-mallard-animals-feathers-1463317/

The Matchup: Ducks vs. Aggies

Winner: Oregon

French Duck: Le Honque!!!

Albany Regional: #6 BYU vs. #11 Indiana

https://pixabay.com/photos/cougar-puma-mountain-lion-predator-718092/

The Matchup: Cougars vs. Hoosiers

Winner: BYU

Can't win if you're not real!!

Albany Regional: #3 Seton Hall  vs. #14 Eastern Washington

https://pixabay.com/illustrations/pirate-photoshop-manipulation-1827387/

The Matchup: Pirates vs. Eagles

Winner: Seton Hall

Why do we say the Carribean sea but then say Pirates of the *Carribean*? (You know you just pronounced those differently)

Sacramento Regional: #7 Arizona vs. #10 Texas Tech

https://twitter.com/TechAthletics/status/1172178447470170112/photo/1

The Matchup: Wildcats vs. Red Raiders

Winner: Texas Tech

Mister Wildcat seems like no match for Mister gunslinger. *pew pew*

Sacramento Regional: #2 San Diego State vs. #15 UC Irvine

https://pixabay.com/photos/anteater-animal-tropics-rainforest-4906834/

The Matchup: Aztecs vs. Anteaters

Winner: Anteaters

If I saw this thing coming toward me, I'd soil my pants, and in this day and age, a need for toilet paper is pretty unfortunate.

Omaha Regional: #1 Baylor vs. #16 Winthrop

https://pixabay.com/photos/bear-animal-zoo-water-nature-risk-4494180/

The Matchup: Bears vs. Eagles

Winner: Baylor

FOR THE LOVE OF- No more eagles!!

Omaha Regional: #8 Saint Mary's vs. #9 Rutgers

https://twitter.com/RUAthletics/status/1140710407042191360/photo/2

The Winner: Gaels vs. Scarlet Knights

Winner: Rutgers

As scary as an angry Irish person can be, a knight is a ~literal~ knight, so duh.

Tampa Regional: #5 Ohio State vs. #12 Stephen F. Austin

https://pixabay.com/photos/axe-timber-wood-tool-tree-984008/

The Matchup: Buckeyes vs. Lumberjacks

Winner: Stephen F. Austin

Nothing can beat the power of a crisp flannel.

Tampa Regional: #4 Louisville vs. #13 Vermont

https://pixabay.com/photos/lynx-big-cat-wild-animal-wildcat-3334869/

The Matchup: Cardinals vs. Catamounts

Winner: Vermont

After looking up what the heck a catamount is and discovering it's a wildcat, this decision became a no-brainer.

Cleveland Regional: #6 Virginia vs. #11 Cincinnati

https://pixabay.com/illustrations/vintage-old-old-fashioned-antique-1636411/

The Matchup: Cavaliers vs. Bearcats

Winner: Virginia

Big swords= big dubs.

Cleveland Regional: #3 Michigan State vs. #14 Bradley

https://pixabay.com/illustrations/gargoyle-storm-storm-ray-grey-sky-2199351/

The Matchup: Spartans vs. Gargoyles

Winner: Bradley

Remember the gargoyles from The Hunchback of Notre Dame? They seem like they can throw down.

St. Louis Regional: #7 Illinois vs. #10 USC

https://twitter.com/KeckMedUSC/status/872889567887667201/photo/3

The Matchup: Illini vs. Trojans

Winner: USC

It'd be a Ill-lie-ni if I told you I knew what Illinois's mascot actually was (Update: Illinois's mascot originally stemmed from Indigenous groups in Illinois, so I think I made the correct decision giving the win to the school with the less problematic mascot).

St. Louis Regional: #2 Creighton vs. #15 Little Rock

https://twitter.com/LittleRockMBB/status/1235039864069828609/photo/1

The Matchup: Blue jays vs. Trojans

Winner: Trojans

Oh no, little Creighton's going to lose, boo hoo.

Next Round: #16 Siena vs. #8 Houston

https://pixabay.com/photos/cougar-feline-animal-zoo-close-up-166712/

The Matchup: St. Bernards vs. Cougars

Winner: Houston

In the ultimate war of cats vs. dogs, as much as it pains me to say this, the felines win this round.

#5 Auburn vs. #13 North Texas

https://pixabay.com/photos/tiger-big-cat-big-cats-animal-world-2535888/

The Matchup: Tigers vs. Eagles

Winner: Auburn

Not to be anti-Merica, but I'm about to give the bird to this dang bird.

#11 East Tennessee State vs. #3 Duke

https://twitter.com/DukeWGOLF/status/661337090676887553/photo/1

The Matchup: Pirates vs. Blue Devils

Winner: Duke

Yo ho, yo ho, a winner's life is not for ETSU.

#10 Arizona State vs. #15 North Dakota State

https://twitter.com/ASUFootball/status/1195450399190220800/photo/1

The Matchup: Sun Devils vs. Bison

Winner: Arizona State

The Devil went up to North Dakota or however that song goes.

#1 Dayton vs. #9 Florida

https://pixabay.com/photos/crocodile-tooth-reptile-alligator-1660512/

The Matchup: Flyers vs. Gators

Winner: Florida

That's the stare of someone who will watch you when you sleep if you don't give them the win.

#12 Texas vs. #4 Maryland

https://pixabay.com/photos/longhorn-steer-cattle-animals-4091042/

The Matchup: Longhorns vs. Terrapins

Winner: Texas

Although not exactly the same as a bull, ask any China shop how they'd fare against this glorified cow.

#6 Penn State vs. #14 Hofstra

https://pixabay.com/photos/lion-predator-dangerous-mane-3576045/

The Matchup: Nittany Lions vs. Lions

Winner: Penn State

It's a lion vs. lion showdown. Insert that spiderman meme. Penn State on top for having a more specific type of lion.

#7 West Virginia vs. #15 Northern Kentucky

https://pixabay.com/illustrations/viking-character-drawing-guerrero-4898879/

The Matchup: Mountaineers vs. Vikings

Winner: Northern Kentucky

Battle of bearded men, this one's really a coin toss.

#16 Prairie View A&M vs. #8 LSU

https://pixabay.com/photos/tiger-cat-big-cat-animal-predator-3264048/

The Matchup: Panthers vs. Tigers

Winner: LSU

Cue "Eye of the Tiger".

#5 Michigan vs. #4 Oregon

https://pixabay.com/photos/animal-world-mammal-nature-animal-3065318/

The Matchup: Wolverines vs. Ducks

Winner: Michigan

Why is this creepy animal still winning?

#6 BYU vs. #3 Seton Hall

https://pixabay.com/photos/cougar-puma-mountain-lion-predator-718092/

The Matchup: Cougars vs. Pirates

Winner: BYU

ARGHHHHH you ready for a takedown?

#10 Texas Tech vs. #15 UC Irvine

https://pixabay.com/photos/anteater-animal-tropics-rainforest-4906834/

The Matchup: Red Raiders vs. Anteaters

Winner: UC Irvine

Yup, I'm still scared of it.

#1 Baylor vs. #9 Rutgers

https://pixabay.com/photos/bear-animal-zoo-water-nature-risk-4494180/

The Matchup: Bears vs. Scarlet Knights

Winner: Baylor

You know which bears are the real winners right now? The Charmin ones.

#12 Stephen F. Austin vs. #13 Vermont

https://pixabay.com/photos/lynx-big-cat-wild-animal-wildcat-3334869/

The Matchup: Lumberjacks vs. Catamounts

Winner: Vermont

He was a lumberjack, she was a catamount, can I make it any more obvious?

#6 Virginia vs. #14 Bradley

https://pixabay.com/illustrations/gargoyle-storm-storm-ray-grey-sky-2199351/

The Matchup: Cavaliers vs. Gargoyles

Winner: Bradley

Stone-cold killers.

#10 USC vs. #15 Little Rock

https://twitter.com/LittleRockMBB/status/1235039864069828609/photo/1

The Matchup: Trojans vs. Trojans

Winner: Little Rock

The Trojans of Little Rock get the edge solely due to the 1986 bop "Little Rock" by Reba.

Sweet 16: #8 Houston vs. #5 Auburn

https://pixabay.com/photos/tiger-big-cat-big-cats-animal-world-2535888/

The Matchup: Cougars vs. Tigers

Winner: Auburn

It's funnier if you picture these two ferocious cats as a duo of Garfields duking it out.

#3 Duke vs. #10 Arizona State

https://twitter.com/ASUFootball/status/1195450399190220800/photo/1

The Matchup: Blue Devils vs. Sun Devils

Winner: Arizona State

Devil meet devil... Giving to ASU for the added power that comes from the scorching sun.

#9 Florida vs. #12 Texas

https://pixabay.com/photos/crocodile-tooth-reptile-alligator-1660512/

The Matchup: Gators vs. Longhorns

Winner: Florida

Even alligators want a tasty steak sometimes.

#6 Penn State vs. #15 Northern Kentucky

https://pixabay.com/photos/lion-predator-dangerous-mane-3576045/

The Matchup: Nittany Lions vs. Vikings

Winner: Penn State

The fight between two competitiors with long, blonde flowing locks... dun, dun, dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

#8 LSU vs. #5 Michigan

https://pixabay.com/photos/tiger-cat-big-cat-animal-predator-3264048/

The Matchup: Tigers vs. Wolverines

Winner: LSU

Shoutout to the most underrated tiger of them all- Rajah from Aladdin.

#6 BYU vs. #15 UC Irvine

https://pixabay.com/photos/cougar-puma-mountain-lion-predator-718092/

The Matchup: Cougars vs. Anteaters

Winner: BYU

Hate to see it leave but love to watch it go, because that thing gave me the heebie-jeebies to look at.

#1 Baylor vs. #13 Vermont

https://pixabay.com/photos/bear-animal-zoo-water-nature-risk-4494180/

The Matchup: Bears vs. Catamounts

Winner: Baylor

Beary obvious to see who would win this one.

#14 Bradley vs. #15 Little Rock

https://twitter.com/LittleRockMBB/status/1235039864069828609/photo/1

The Matchup: Gargoyles vs. Trojans

Winner: Little Rock

Are Trojans really that dominant of competitors or are the basketball gods just shining down on them due to the name connection between them & basketball great Troy Bolton?

Elite 8: #5 Auburn vs. #10 Arizona State

https://twitter.com/ASUFootball/status/1195450399190220800/photo/1

The Matchup: Tigers vs. Sun Devils

Winner: Arizona State

DeviL might have an L in it, but the only team taking an L is Auburn.

#9 Florida vs. #6 Penn State

https://pixabay.com/photos/lion-predator-dangerous-mane-3576045/

The Matchup: Gators vs. Nittany Lions

Winner: Penn State

In the jungle the might jungle, the lion sleeps tonnnniiiiiiigggggggggghhhhhhhhhttttttttttttttt.

#8 LSU vs. #6 BYU

https://pixabay.com/photos/tiger-cat-big-cat-animal-predator-3264048/

The Matchup: Tigers vs. Cougars

Winner: LSU

As Tony the Tiger would say "They're grrrrrrrrrreat".

#1 Baylor vs. #15 Little Rock

https://pixabay.com/photos/bear-animal-zoo-water-nature-risk-4494180/

The Matchup: Bears vs. Trojans

Winner: Baylor

This predator can even defeat THE Archie Andrews, well at least kind of.

Final 4: #10 Arizona State vs. #6 Penn State

https://pixabay.com/photos/lion-predator-dangerous-mane-3576045/

The Matchup: Sun Devils vs. Nittany Lions

Winner: Penn State

Not even the devil can beat my boy Simba.

#8 LSU vs. #1 Baylor

https://pixabay.com/photos/bear-animal-zoo-water-nature-risk-4494180/

The Matchup: Tigers vs. Bears

Winner: Baylor

Yeah, I ran out a good jokes about 3 rounds ago, but that's okay, because it's almost time for the final round. *Mario Kart music intensifies*

National Championship: #6 Penn State vs. #1 Baylor

https://pixabay.com/photos/bear-animal-zoo-water-nature-risk-4494180/

The Matchup: Nittany Lions vs. Bears

Winner: BAYLOR

Whelp, that ended anticlimactically with a 1 seed winning, oh well.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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