March Madness might be canceled this year, and every sport fanatic is still at home nursing a broken heart, but I may have a semi solution. Using my normal mascot-deciding formula that I've done several times before, I have worked my way through the bracket and found our national champion- at least of the mascot variety. I used the most recent bracket on ESPN as a basis for my choices, and I just hope that this article brings you just a sliver of happiness that our beloved sports usually grant us.
Omaha Regional: #1 Kansas vs. #16 Siena

https://pixabay.com/photos/st-bernard-outdoor-st-bernard-barry-3485788/
The Matchup: Jayhawks vs. St. Bernards
Winner: Siena
Beethoven versus a measly, little bird equals the first upset of the bracket.
Omaha Regional: #8 Houston vs. #9 Marquette

https://pixabay.com/photos/cougar-feline-animal-zoo-close-up-166712/
The Matchup: Cougars vs. Golden Eagles
Winner: Houston
Rawr XD, am I right?
Sacramento Regional: #5 Auburn vs. #12 Liberty

https://pixabay.com/photos/tiger-big-cat-big-cats-animal-world-2535888/
The Matchup: Tigers vs. Eagles/Flames
Winner: Auburn
If I see another eagle mascot, I'm going to lose it.
Sacramento Regional: #4 Wisconsin vs. #13 North Texas

https://pixabay.com/photos/adler-white-tailed-eagle-bald-eagle-2386314/
The Matchup: Badgers vs. Eagles
Winner: North Texas
Fine. I'll let the eagles win one.
Greensboro Regional: #6 Iowa vs. #11East Tennessee State

https://pixabay.com/vectors/pirate-crossbones-skull-flag-bones-47705/
The Matchup: Hawkeyes vs. Pirates
Winner: East Tennessee State
Pirates have always been superior. Exhibit A: Killian Jones from Once Upon a Time.
Greensboro Regional: #3 Duke vs. #14 Belmont

https://twitter.com/DukeWGOLF/status/661337090676887553/photo/1
The Matchup: Blue Devils vs. Bruins
Winner: Duke
Lol, shoutout to the Duke women's golf team from 5 years ago for making an appearance in this photo.
St.Louis Regional: #7 Providence vs. #10 Arizona State

https://twitter.com/ASUFootball/status/1195450399190220800/photo/1
The Matchup: Friars vs. Sun Devils
Winner: Arizona State
Haha, It's an actual man of God against a devil, how funny. We all know the devil won't play fair though.
St. Louis Regional: #2 Kentucky vs. #15 North Dakota State

https://pixabay.com/photos/bison-buffalo-usa-beef-wild-60592/
The Matchup: Wildcats vs. Bison
Winner: North Dakota State
This furry son of a beesting is not to be trifled with.
Cleveland Regional: #1 Dayton vs. #16 Boston University

https://pixabay.com/photos/us-air-force-pilot-aircraft-jet-77909/
The Matchup: Flyers vs. Terriers
Winner: Dayton
One can fly, so not a tough matchup.
Cleveland Regional: #8 Colorado vs. #9 Florida

https://pixabay.com/photos/crocodile-tooth-reptile-alligator-1660512/
The Matchup: Buffaloes vs. Gators
Winner: Florida
Florida can tell Colorado to see you later, alligator. Haha, good one.
Greensboro Regional: #5 Butler vs. #12 Texas

https://pixabay.com/photos/longhorn-steer-cattle-animals-4091042/
The Matchup: Bulldogs vs. Longhorns
Winner: Texas
I have a feeling that bulldogs aren't going to be very lucky in this tournament.
Greensboro Regional: #4 Maryland vs. #13 Akron

https://pixabay.com/photos/turtle-rock-animal-nature-water-1213136/
The Matchup: Terrapins vs. Zips
Winner: Maryland
The irony of a very slow turtle versus something literally named Zip is not lost on me, but I've said it once & I'll say it again, I don't know what a Zip even is.
Albany Regional: #6 Penn State vs. #11 NC State

https://pixabay.com/photos/lion-predator-dangerous-mane-3576045/
The Matchup: Nittany Lions vs. Wolfpack
Winner: Penn State
Two apex predators. One victor. Decisions, decisions.
Albany Regional: #3 Villanova vs. #14 Hofstra

https://pixabay.com/photos/lion-predator-mane-big-cat-yawn-3317670/
The Matchup: Wildcats vs. Lions
Winner: Hofstra
Since Villanova is in the middle of a permanent identity crisis & can't pick one specific cat to be their mascot, I'm giving it to the school with the funky name but dependable creature.
Tampa Regional: #7 West Virginia vs. #10 Utah State

https://twitter.com/SInow/status/651928928932732928/photo/1
The Matchup: Mountaineers vs. Aggies
Winner: West Virginia
Country Roads, take me home, to the place I beloooooooonnnnnnnggggggggg.
Tampa Regional: #2 Florida State vs. #15 Northern Kentucky

https://pixabay.com/illustrations/viking-character-drawing-guerrero-4898879/
The Matchup: Seminoles vs. Vikings
Winner: Northern Kentucky
Having a viking as your mascot seems much less racist than what FSU currently has, so we have a winner.
Spokane Regional: #1 Gonzaga vs. #16 Prairie View A&M

https://pixabay.com/photos/black-panther-jaguar-feline-3466399/
The Matchup: Bulldogs vs. Panthers
Winner: Prairie View A&M
Sorry, doggos.
Spokane Regional: #8 LSU vs. #9 Oklahoma

https://pixabay.com/photos/tiger-cat-big-cat-animal-predator-3264048/
The Matchup: Tigers vs. Sooners
Winner: LSU
Wow, this matchup looks eerily familiar, and I have a feeling that it would end in LSU's favor again.
Spokane Regional: #5 Michigan vs. #12 Yale

https://pixabay.com/photos/animal-world-mammal-nature-animal-3065318/
The Matchup: Wolverines vs. Bulldogs
Winner: Michigan
Hugh Jackman: 1 The smart peeps: 0
Spokane Regional: #4 Oregon vs. #13 New Mexico State

https://pixabay.com/photos/duck-wild-mallard-animals-feathers-1463317/
The Matchup: Ducks vs. Aggies
Winner: Oregon
French Duck: Le Honque!!!
Albany Regional: #6 BYU vs. #11 Indiana

https://pixabay.com/photos/cougar-puma-mountain-lion-predator-718092/
The Matchup: Cougars vs. Hoosiers
Winner: BYU
Can't win if you're not real!!
Albany Regional: #3 Seton Hall vs. #14 Eastern Washington

https://pixabay.com/illustrations/pirate-photoshop-manipulation-1827387/
The Matchup: Pirates vs. Eagles
Winner: Seton Hall
Why do we say the Carribean sea but then say Pirates of the *Carribean*? (You know you just pronounced those differently)
Sacramento Regional: #7 Arizona vs. #10 Texas Tech

https://twitter.com/TechAthletics/status/1172178447470170112/photo/1
The Matchup: Wildcats vs. Red Raiders
Winner: Texas Tech
Mister Wildcat seems like no match for Mister gunslinger. *pew pew*
Sacramento Regional: #2 San Diego State vs. #15 UC Irvine

https://pixabay.com/photos/anteater-animal-tropics-rainforest-4906834/
The Matchup: Aztecs vs. Anteaters
Winner: Anteaters
If I saw this thing coming toward me, I'd soil my pants, and in this day and age, a need for toilet paper is pretty unfortunate.
Omaha Regional: #1 Baylor vs. #16 Winthrop

https://pixabay.com/photos/bear-animal-zoo-water-nature-risk-4494180/
The Matchup: Bears vs. Eagles
Winner: Baylor
FOR THE LOVE OF- No more eagles!!
Omaha Regional: #8 Saint Mary's vs. #9 Rutgers

https://twitter.com/RUAthletics/status/1140710407042191360/photo/2
The Winner: Gaels vs. Scarlet Knights
Winner: Rutgers
As scary as an angry Irish person can be, a knight is a ~literal~ knight, so duh.
Tampa Regional: #5 Ohio State vs. #12 Stephen F. Austin

https://pixabay.com/photos/axe-timber-wood-tool-tree-984008/
The Matchup: Buckeyes vs. Lumberjacks
Winner: Stephen F. Austin
Nothing can beat the power of a crisp flannel.
Tampa Regional: #4 Louisville vs. #13 Vermont

https://pixabay.com/photos/lynx-big-cat-wild-animal-wildcat-3334869/
The Matchup: Cardinals vs. Catamounts
Winner: Vermont
After looking up what the heck a catamount is and discovering it's a wildcat, this decision became a no-brainer.
Cleveland Regional: #6 Virginia vs. #11 Cincinnati

https://pixabay.com/illustrations/vintage-old-old-fashioned-antique-1636411/
The Matchup: Cavaliers vs. Bearcats
Winner: Virginia
Big swords= big dubs.
Cleveland Regional: #3 Michigan State vs. #14 Bradley

https://pixabay.com/illustrations/gargoyle-storm-storm-ray-grey-sky-2199351/
The Matchup: Spartans vs. Gargoyles
Winner: Bradley
Remember the gargoyles from The Hunchback of Notre Dame? They seem like they can throw down.
St. Louis Regional: #7 Illinois vs. #10 USC

https://twitter.com/KeckMedUSC/status/872889567887667201/photo/3
The Matchup: Illini vs. Trojans
Winner: USC
It'd be a Ill-lie-ni if I told you I knew what Illinois's mascot actually was (Update: Illinois's mascot originally stemmed from Indigenous groups in Illinois, so I think I made the correct decision giving the win to the school with the less problematic mascot).
St. Louis Regional: #2 Creighton vs. #15 Little Rock

https://twitter.com/LittleRockMBB/status/1235039864069828609/photo/1
The Matchup: Blue jays vs. Trojans
Winner: Trojans
Oh no, little Creighton's going to lose, boo hoo.
Next Round: #16 Siena vs. #8 Houston

https://pixabay.com/photos/cougar-feline-animal-zoo-close-up-166712/
The Matchup: St. Bernards vs. Cougars
Winner: Houston
In the ultimate war of cats vs. dogs, as much as it pains me to say this, the felines win this round.
#5 Auburn vs. #13 North Texas

https://pixabay.com/photos/tiger-big-cat-big-cats-animal-world-2535888/
The Matchup: Tigers vs. Eagles
Winner: Auburn
Not to be anti-Merica, but I'm about to give the bird to this dang bird.
#11 East Tennessee State vs. #3 Duke

https://twitter.com/DukeWGOLF/status/661337090676887553/photo/1
The Matchup: Pirates vs. Blue Devils
Winner: Duke
Yo ho, yo ho, a winner's life is not for ETSU.
#10 Arizona State vs. #15 North Dakota State

https://twitter.com/ASUFootball/status/1195450399190220800/photo/1
The Matchup: Sun Devils vs. Bison
Winner: Arizona State
The Devil went up to North Dakota or however that song goes.
#1 Dayton vs. #9 Florida

https://pixabay.com/photos/crocodile-tooth-reptile-alligator-1660512/
The Matchup: Flyers vs. Gators
Winner: Florida
That's the stare of someone who will watch you when you sleep if you don't give them the win.
#12 Texas vs. #4 Maryland

https://pixabay.com/photos/longhorn-steer-cattle-animals-4091042/
The Matchup: Longhorns vs. Terrapins
Winner: Texas
Although not exactly the same as a bull, ask any China shop how they'd fare against this glorified cow.
#6 Penn State vs. #14 Hofstra

https://pixabay.com/photos/lion-predator-dangerous-mane-3576045/
The Matchup: Nittany Lions vs. Lions
Winner: Penn State
It's a lion vs. lion showdown. Insert that spiderman meme. Penn State on top for having a more specific type of lion.
#7 West Virginia vs. #15 Northern Kentucky

https://pixabay.com/illustrations/viking-character-drawing-guerrero-4898879/
The Matchup: Mountaineers vs. Vikings
Winner: Northern Kentucky
Battle of bearded men, this one's really a coin toss.
#16 Prairie View A&M vs. #8 LSU

https://pixabay.com/photos/tiger-cat-big-cat-animal-predator-3264048/
The Matchup: Panthers vs. Tigers
Winner: LSU
Cue "Eye of the Tiger".
#5 Michigan vs. #4 Oregon

https://pixabay.com/photos/animal-world-mammal-nature-animal-3065318/
The Matchup: Wolverines vs. Ducks
Winner: Michigan
Why is this creepy animal still winning?
#6 BYU vs. #3 Seton Hall

https://pixabay.com/photos/cougar-puma-mountain-lion-predator-718092/
The Matchup: Cougars vs. Pirates
Winner: BYU
ARGHHHHH you ready for a takedown?
#10 Texas Tech vs. #15 UC Irvine

https://pixabay.com/photos/anteater-animal-tropics-rainforest-4906834/
The Matchup: Red Raiders vs. Anteaters
Winner: UC Irvine
Yup, I'm still scared of it.
#1 Baylor vs. #9 Rutgers

https://pixabay.com/photos/bear-animal-zoo-water-nature-risk-4494180/
The Matchup: Bears vs. Scarlet Knights
Winner: Baylor
You know which bears are the real winners right now? The Charmin ones.
#12 Stephen F. Austin vs. #13 Vermont

https://pixabay.com/photos/lynx-big-cat-wild-animal-wildcat-3334869/
The Matchup: Lumberjacks vs. Catamounts
Winner: Vermont
He was a lumberjack, she was a catamount, can I make it any more obvious?
#6 Virginia vs. #14 Bradley

https://pixabay.com/illustrations/gargoyle-storm-storm-ray-grey-sky-2199351/
The Matchup: Cavaliers vs. Gargoyles
Winner: Bradley
Stone-cold killers.
#10 USC vs. #15 Little Rock

https://twitter.com/LittleRockMBB/status/1235039864069828609/photo/1
The Matchup: Trojans vs. Trojans
Winner: Little Rock
The Trojans of Little Rock get the edge solely due to the 1986 bop "Little Rock" by Reba.
Sweet 16: #8 Houston vs. #5 Auburn

https://pixabay.com/photos/tiger-big-cat-big-cats-animal-world-2535888/
The Matchup: Cougars vs. Tigers
Winner: Auburn
It's funnier if you picture these two ferocious cats as a duo of Garfields duking it out.
#3 Duke vs. #10 Arizona State

https://twitter.com/ASUFootball/status/1195450399190220800/photo/1
The Matchup: Blue Devils vs. Sun Devils
Winner: Arizona State
Devil meet devil... Giving to ASU for the added power that comes from the scorching sun.
#9 Florida vs. #12 Texas

https://pixabay.com/photos/crocodile-tooth-reptile-alligator-1660512/
The Matchup: Gators vs. Longhorns
Winner: Florida
Even alligators want a tasty steak sometimes.
#6 Penn State vs. #15 Northern Kentucky

https://pixabay.com/photos/lion-predator-dangerous-mane-3576045/
The Matchup: Nittany Lions vs. Vikings
Winner: Penn State
The fight between two competitiors with long, blonde flowing locks... dun, dun, dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.
#8 LSU vs. #5 Michigan

https://pixabay.com/photos/tiger-cat-big-cat-animal-predator-3264048/
The Matchup: Tigers vs. Wolverines
Winner: LSU
Shoutout to the most underrated tiger of them all- Rajah from Aladdin.
#6 BYU vs. #15 UC Irvine

https://pixabay.com/photos/cougar-puma-mountain-lion-predator-718092/
The Matchup: Cougars vs. Anteaters
Winner: BYU
Hate to see it leave but love to watch it go, because that thing gave me the heebie-jeebies to look at.
#1 Baylor vs. #13 Vermont

https://pixabay.com/photos/bear-animal-zoo-water-nature-risk-4494180/
The Matchup: Bears vs. Catamounts
Winner: Baylor
Beary obvious to see who would win this one.
#14 Bradley vs. #15 Little Rock

https://twitter.com/LittleRockMBB/status/1235039864069828609/photo/1
The Matchup: Gargoyles vs. Trojans
Winner: Little Rock
Are Trojans really that dominant of competitors or are the basketball gods just shining down on them due to the name connection between them & basketball great Troy Bolton?
Elite 8: #5 Auburn vs. #10 Arizona State

https://twitter.com/ASUFootball/status/1195450399190220800/photo/1
The Matchup: Tigers vs. Sun Devils
Winner: Arizona State
DeviL might have an L in it, but the only team taking an L is Auburn.
#9 Florida vs. #6 Penn State

https://pixabay.com/photos/lion-predator-dangerous-mane-3576045/
The Matchup: Gators vs. Nittany Lions
Winner: Penn State
In the jungle the might jungle, the lion sleeps tonnnniiiiiiigggggggggghhhhhhhhhttttttttttttttt.
#8 LSU vs. #6 BYU

https://pixabay.com/photos/tiger-cat-big-cat-animal-predator-3264048/
The Matchup: Tigers vs. Cougars
Winner: LSU
As Tony the Tiger would say "They're grrrrrrrrrreat".
#1 Baylor vs. #15 Little Rock

https://pixabay.com/photos/bear-animal-zoo-water-nature-risk-4494180/
The Matchup: Bears vs. Trojans
Winner: Baylor
This predator can even defeat THE Archie Andrews, well at least kind of.
Final 4: #10 Arizona State vs. #6 Penn State

https://pixabay.com/photos/lion-predator-dangerous-mane-3576045/
The Matchup: Sun Devils vs. Nittany Lions
Winner: Penn State
Not even the devil can beat my boy Simba.
#8 LSU vs. #1 Baylor

https://pixabay.com/photos/bear-animal-zoo-water-nature-risk-4494180/
The Matchup: Tigers vs. Bears
Winner: Baylor
Yeah, I ran out a good jokes about 3 rounds ago, but that's okay, because it's almost time for the final round. *Mario Kart music intensifies*
National Championship: #6 Penn State vs. #1 Baylor

https://pixabay.com/photos/bear-animal-zoo-water-nature-risk-4494180/
The Matchup: Nittany Lions vs. Bears
Winner: BAYLOR
Whelp, that ended anticlimactically with a 1 seed winning, oh well.



















