When it comes to relationships at any age, they will never be easy. We've all had our heartbreaks and our catastrophes and these will sometimes prevent us from opening up our hearts to someone great again. But, you have to keep in mind that it is possible to feel the love you once felt with someone else. You just have to open up your heart and mind to the idea of being loved again. Now this is dedicated to all of the future/current men who will try to love us next.
You won't know me at first. You won't know or understand why I constantly pull away every time your hand brushes up against mine. You won't get why I change the radio station or the song every time a certain song comes on that reminds me of what use to be. Or why I won't be able to stand the sight of the mint chocolate chip ice cream you bring to me when I'm feeling down. The night that you first suggest we go to that specific restaurant, you won't know why I ask to go somewhere else. You most likely won't hear me talk about my past or know why I change the subject every time you ask me about certain things from it. You won't see that beneath my smile and all the laughs, my heart is still aching and the hurt is still present.
I won't know you at first either. I won't know if you're going to reach for my hand a second time or just let it go. I won't know what song will be playing the first time you wrap your arms around my waist, or which food you'll make me during a snow storm. I don't know where we'll be when you tell me you love me for the first time, or if I'll even be able to say it in return. I don't know if you'll respect me holding back and not fully opening up at first, or if you'll force everything out of me. I don't know if you'll see the crack in my foundation, or if you'll just walk away. I especially don't know if you'll break my heart too.
I may be a little traumatized. I gave someone my entire heart and being and it ended up broken. I have been through some really hard times and sometimes those memories come back to haunt me at times. I feel as though they will never leave my brain and that causes me to always have my guard up. It won't last forever, but for the time being it'll exist.
Have patience with me. I'm in need of some time. I need things to go slow and to go as smoothly as possible. As much as I wish that I could wake up and be completely over my past, I can't. I may be a little overly sensitive at first and I really hope you can accept that. I'm not saying that you can't be yourself or tell me how you really feel, I'm simply saying that my heart is still in the process of being put back together.
Don't get jealous. I know it's hard to not think about someone's ex, especially after they just get over a break up. However, please know that the ship has sail. There will always be a spot in my heart for that person before you, who I spent a significant amount of time with. That doesn't mean that I am still in love with them or want to be with them.
You might give up because it's all too much. I won't blame you if you give up. I will want to tell you all of those things that are a part of me and of the past I shared with him. I'll want to ask you to stay, to look at me and see a girl who is desperately trying to piece herself back together. I won't do this though, because I don't fully know you yet.
You may do the impossible. You might take my hand in yours and tell me you're not going anywhere. You may ask all the right questions and give me space when I need it. You may even break down the wall that I built, piece-by-piece, just to uncover someone worth waiting for. And if you stay, if you wait just a bit longer, you will see how beautiful of a girl I really am. I may not know you yet, but if you are patient with me and give me time, I promise you my heart will be worth the wait.
This all may seem a little strange, but at the end of the day, it's the truth. I am still hurting, but that will end soon. I hope that you can accept my past and join me on this journey. It's kind of tough to put my finger on exactly how I'm feeling right now but all I can say is that with time, I will be capable of loving you with everything I've got.