I have a bone to pick with chivalry. Not that I disagree with being polite and respectful. Those are important qualities. Not that I’m overly bitter about the fact that I’ll never be a knight in shining armor with a beautiful white stallion named Sir Chompers. I overcame that troubling reality last year. 

Nowadays, we use the word chivalry as a synonym for gentlemanly. Knights were expected to protect the weak and act courteously, so we compare ourselves to that standard. I’ve seen Game of Thrones; the only honorable guy gets his head chopped off. We are misusing the word chivalry.

Honestly, I don’t believe knights were as well-mannered as the tales have led us to believe. Pleasant people don’t ride around slaughtering others with a six foot long mace named Deathbringer. They just don’t.   

Also, has anyone taken the time to sit down and actually read the Code of Chivalry? Even the SparkNotes? I didn’t think so.  

Comedian Brett Druck decided to do us all a favor and investigate, spilling the beans in this hilarious comedy bit. There is one line regarding behavior towards women. The rest is about fighting, war and death.   

What does Brett Druck know, he’s just a glasses-wearing nerd I’ve never heard of? Don’t worry, I had the same thought, so I decided to read it for myself. He’s pretty much spot on:   

1.     Nobility of service. 

2.     Death before dishonor.

3.     Enterprise in obedience to rule. 

4.     Respect all worthy people. 

5.     Honor all those above your station. 

6.     Command obedience through respect. 

7.     Scorn those who are ignoble. 

8.     Protect the innocent. 

9.     Punish the guilty. 

10.  Courtesy to all Ladies. 

11.  Battle is the test of Knighthood. 

12.  Combat is glory. 

13.  Defend your charge unto death. 

14.  War is the flowering of Chivalry. 

15.  Death to all who oppose the cause. 

16.  Arts are the food of the chivalrous. 

17.  Anger blinds, a cool head wins the day.   

We need to be careful when dealing with chivalrous people. They may courageously protect the innocent or cause death and war. Maybe both. Personally, I’m going to dust off the old broadsword and see if I can find a white horse on Craigslist.