All of you probably have noticed by now that I am a huge fan of all holidays and holiday activities. There was a time not too long ago that all of the usual Christmas traditions that have made me so happy since childhood contributed to making me depressed. Some life and family events had happened, and I was feeling deeply wounded by these events and robbed of the signature feelings that had always come with the holidays in years before. Things in my life weren't normal, and they were going to be a different normal when they became so again. I would hear Christmas music or see a favorite Christmas movie from my childhood on a TV in passing and cry. I would stress out so much about making time for everyone in my family over the Christmas week when I went up to visit them.
It's been a few years now, and I can confidently say that I'm doing much better with my mental and emotional health around Christmas time. I definitely still get anxiety about fitting everyone in when I go to Georgia to visit my family, I still become sad that some of my closest family members are no longer with us especially around this time of year, and I still reflect from time to time on the "what ifs" about my own life. But gradually, my favorite Christmas songs from childhood started to bring me joy again. I have gotten to perform Christmas songs live in front of a few audiences during recent years, and that was really fun. When I'm at work with kids, I love to sit down and share my favorite Holiday children's movies with them.
It helps me out a lot to be able to participate in the Holiday season in my own new way, rather than holding myself to an expectation of doing it the same way that I or someone in my family would have done it when I was a kid. I figured out that what I love best about Christmas is extensively searching for (or hand making) and giving thoughtful gifts to other people, and thinking about that helps me look forward to celebrating. As of late, I'll voluntarily find different Christmas music Pandora stations and put them on while I'm at work at my office job. I make it a point to find different quirky Christmas accessories when I'm out shopping, and I incorporate them into my outfits between Thanksgiving and Christmas- right now my favorite is my $3 Santa Cat brooch from Walmart.
I have always loved Christmas and will always love Christmas, and I've learned that no life event can truly take that love away from me. It is so helpful to be able to remember that you are a person with the capability to relax, breathe, remember the past, and look forward to the future. I'm excited to create my own memories this Holiday, and I encourage others who have struggled during this time in the past to do the same.
