Dear Ex-Best Friend,

You were the best thing that I thought would ever happen to me. What more could a person want? Who wouldn't want a person they could tell everything to, laugh with, have the best inside jokes with, and the best memories. I think that's pretty much the image of a picture perfect friends? The thing is, I was wrong. It wasn't perfect. In fact, what seemed perfect was probably the furthest thing from perfect. Our friendship was too good to be true, and I should have seen the signs…

I was friends with you when it was hard to wake up in the morning. It was hard to get out of bed because the sadness in my head was a weight so heavy, I could barely move. You were there for me. Or so I thought you were. I’m not going to lie, we’ve had some great times. I will probably never forget the memories we made, we were friends since the 4th grade after all. That's a long time to be a part of someone's life.

Sadly, another thing I won't forget, is the bad memories. The memories that destroyed our friendship and my trust in you. Although I've given up trying to figure out what happened, some things are just too obvious to ignore. There were signs everywhere, signs that I've ignored, I decided to stick by you, even though the friendship was a toxic one. Although I can’t directly accuse you of anything, my life’s better now. I know that much. Once I cut ties with you, all the problems just stopped. I was happy again. I wasn’t getting harassed in school, I wasn’t being accused of ridiculous things, I wasn’t being bullied anymore. You might call it a theory, but that was enough proof for me to call it quits.

This isn’t how I wanted it to be, and I don’t think this is what you pictured when we used to say we’d be “friends forever.” I really hoped and believed that our friendship would beat the odds, I thought we were the perfect friends. This article isn't to point any fingers, this article is me saying my final words. I know things didn’t end on the best terms the last time we spoke. I wish I didn’t reach out because it seems like we disagree on the way our friendship had to come to an end, and I don’t think that will ever change. That's okay, I'm okay with that.

I just wish there were some things you would have told me, and I wish there were things I could understand about the situation because honestly to this day I still don’t understand what happened. What did I do to deserve the harassment? Why did they think the things they did about me when I did nothing wrong? Why did they say “ I controlled you?” when I never did anything like that? Why did it stop when I stopped being friends with YOU? Why did it all come back to you? There were so many contradictions between your words and actions that I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to make it stop, you were the one factor. I needed to get away to make my life better. Whether you had anything to do with those questions or not, one thing was certain: my life would be better without you.

If you truly didn’t have anything to do with what happened to me, I’m sorry. Although, I can’t take your word for it when there's no proof you didn’t have anything to do with it, and all the things that happened have one common factor: You. I couldn’t keep being your friend when it was destroying me. There comes a time in life where you need to put yourself first, and that was one of the most difficult, yet life changing moves I've ever had to make in my entire life.

I want to thank you for teaching me all the things to look for in a friend, and for showing me warning signs to look for as well. Thank you for the good times, and thank you for teaching me one of the biggest life lessons I could have ever learned. You taught me how to be careful. You taught me to not trust everyone, you taught me that I can’t be scared anymore, and to be outspoken.

Despite all the heartbreak from losing my first best friend, and despite all the hurt my friendship with you caused me, I couldn’t thank you or the bullies enough. You all grew me, you made me a better person.

This is me finally putting the past behind me, and accepting it. It was hard to accept that someone who was like part of my family is gone. Maybe it was easier for you, I don’t know. It was hard to put all that pain behind me. Although this situation caused me so much pain, I've made peace with it. I can move on and be thankful for the pain because I would have NEVER been the strong person I am today. So thank you.

Thank you for making me stronger,

Hannah