"The only cure for grief is action." -- George Henry Lewes
Remember the movie, "A Mom For Christmas?" I use to watch this with my mom and never did I fathom that it could be my personal future.
It is so close to being the five month mark since my mother passed away. It is surreal. No, It is more than that.
It is an out of body experience... The more time that passes, the more that was left undone. I knew this before and I was well aware that with time, I would go through more experiences and she would not be there to share with me. However, it is different when you slowly live through it and the time keeps passing.
It was beautiful when you were younger and you believed in forever, you believed in everything. You saw the picture of life that was given to you masked by a mother's love. That blanket of protection faded. My childhood seems like a different life. My teenage years were someone else altogether.
At night I live it all again. The phone call that had the news of tragedy.
With that, I can say making it through the holidays was the hardest of all for too many different reasons... but there is survival on the other side. My thoughts are fighting my thoughts all the time and I used to blame it on me being an Aries... you know the whole "fire fights fire" thing. I know now that it is internal. I have accepted the grieving but I have not accepted time.
This Christmas was a different Christmas, as you would imagine. Thanksgiving did not seem as off. Next year will be harder, but some say it will get easier. I don't buy it. The state of disbelief and pushing feelings away will fade. That is what so many of us do the first few months after losing a loved one. I made it through the 2016 holidays, as I knew I would.
It is still hard to shake the feeling that this was my first Christmas in my life without my mother. It isn't my last.
My family and I may have an uphill battle. The key is not to win it, but to get through it. I don't know why I am in a state of thinking that I am a lone wolf — I have loved ones around me. I still have them. It may not be apparent but the miles between us like to argue against that.
"Follow your bliss." - Joseph Campbell
