I’m annoyed, I’m stressed, I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I never thought I’d be the one second-guessing my major considering I’ve known what I wanted to do since around sophomore year of high school. But, if I’m being honest, I don’t know if my current path is something I can see myself doing long term.

I guess it’s safe to say I was very unsure of what my major even entailed and my first class I’m taking that pertains to the actual major has me so stressed out and I dread the class. I mean that has to be a sign right?

Fine, I can change my major; but, to what? I have no idea what I want. I know my strengths and I know I love writing and designing, but I’ve always been told stick with business, stick with marketing, stick with something that will get you a job. Am I really willing to risk my sanity for the sake of a job out of college?

I want to explore what I enjoy doing but the thing is, I know I’m not the best at it. That truly bothers me. I kind of put all my time and energy into one thing in high school — newspaper. I know I want to continue on some kind of journalism path but the path that’s being set forward for me now isn’t what I thought it was going to be.

I’m doing research, and when I say research I’m talking 20 pages of it. I want to be creative, I want to design and write. When I first thought strategic communications I thought marketing. When I thought marketing the only thing I had ever been exposed to with marketing went hand in hand with advertising design. Notice — design.

I’ve always been a creative person, I like to outlet my creativity through writing and design in particular. I’ve never been one who loves numbers or who loves heavy research. I love learning and I love school but I’ve always liked it in a different way. I don’t personally see the point in having to take classes such as math or science if you genuinely aren’t interested. The same is true if you’re a numbers person, why do you have to take so much English? I thought we got that out of the way in middle school and high school.

Yet here I am in math, sociology and a journalism class (which I figured I’d be so excited for, but I'm not.).

I guess I’m just frustrated that I came into college really excited to be taking classes that pertain directly to my interests and my major and I’m not getting that excitement. The worst part is that I don’t know how to fix it because I don’t know what it is I exactly want to do.

I need to give this process time and give it a real chance, I know this. I mean it's not even the end of first semester. There's just been so much that I've had to think about already. I know I'm the type of person who has to know their next step — this might be the only time in my life where I'm taking a step backwards.

I think the idea of my major is great, I just need to figure out how to mold it to my interests and if there’s no way to do that successfully — I’ll be back on the drawing board.