Ah yes, the mailman is coming down the street and you are (not-so) patiently awaiting his arrival so you can rush to your mailbox and see if your significant other (SO) has sent you any updates. After a few anxious minutes, you hear the metallic sound of the mailbox closing, and you leave your post from behind the front room's curtain of your house (a prime mail-peeping spot, of course), out the front door, up to the mailbox. You open it finally, waiting a whole 24 hours since the previous day’s defeat, and alas! There is no mail – at least no mail from your SO, and that’s what’s important, right?
I always tried to guess what days I would receive mail from my boyfriend, who is currently enlisted in the U.S. Army. For a little over three months last year, my boyfriend was in One Station Unit Training (also known as OSUT) at Fort Benning, Georgia. OSUT is basic training and infantry training combined into one long three-and-a-half-month haul. There was very minimal contact for this duration, and through the months he was gone, we were only allowed to write letters to each other. Some days he was allowed to call me, but these were few and far between, and we usually were only able to talk for a short period of time. The letters were really our main source of communication.
I played this stalker-ish mail-peeping game with myself (and our mail woman, unbeknownst to her knowledge) every day since the day he left to train. Between the dates my boyfriend wrote on the letterhead, the dates I sent my letters out, and the mail dates stamped on the outside envelopes, I even calculated a number of days/time frame in which he received my letters and I received his. From where I live in New Jersey, his letters were in my mailbox from Georgia about four to six days after he had written them. From what my boyfriend told me when recruits wrote letters home, they dropped their mail in a mailbox that was picked up by the postman directly and sent out (almost) immediately. However, I was fooled by the speed of the letters coming in from my boyfriend. My letters, on the other hand, I calculated took 10 to 14 days to get to my guy.
Unfortunately, at least in the case of Fort Benning, incoming mail went to an office somewhere on a post, which was then processed. Then, it took an additional few days to arrive at the barracks of my loved one’s platoon. On top of the extra processing of letters at the post office, there was also an issue of what Drill Sergeant or “DS” was in charge. Drill Sergeants are legally not allowed to hold mail (that is true for any postal service or person, unless you go on vacation and specifically tell the post office to hold your mail). Nonetheless, just because it’s the law doesn’t mean the DS will follow this rule all of the time. I’m pretty sure my boyfriend’s DS held their mail for a few days after it finally arrived at their barracks. There was no reason for my incoming letters to take two weeks until he received it, as opposed to the four to six days it took his to come to me.
As a girlfriend of someone in the military who was completely new to this lifestyle, I became very frustrated a lot of the time. My expectations would rise after a letter would come or a short call, only to be crushed by two or more weeks of silence. Yes, it was aggravating. Yes, it was not fair. And yes I felt a sense of defeat when I would open that metallic treasure chest and realize today there wasn’t any prize inside. But this doesn’t mean I allowed it to beat my spirit.
If any of my fellow military girlfriends or boyfriends out there are anything like me, I know how disappointing it is to not receive mail when you spend hours upon hours writing every detail of your life down because even though they’re not there, you don’t want them to miss a beat. You send pictures, news articles, comic strip clippings from the Sunday paper, and miscellaneous things to ensure your SO will smile when they open the mail they receive.
The fact of the matter is, ladies and gents, that no matter how well you think you’ve figured out the times in which the mail should get here (*cough cough, like myself, cough*) the mail patterns will be unexpected. The mail-room down at the army post is not always going to be running at the exact speed it should (or the speed you think it should), and you are going to have many trips to the mailbox where you’ll leave empty-handed – excluding bills, but that’s the mail no one is really excited to receive. If you are reading this and happen to be someone who does, in fact, enjoy getting bills in the mail, I salute you and I wish you could teach me your ways.
A lack of communication, especially now in an age in which young couples, such as my boyfriend and I, are used to constant electronic communication, it is a shock to have to quickly try to adapt without it. Not only is it hard, but it adds tremendously to the separation anxiety that comes with basic combat training, the army’s ‘”no communication rule”, and their 1940s-style exception to said rule. Despite the hardships that come with the weeks of separation for basic combat training, nothing feels better than the days you open the mailbox, and there in all its glory is the message from the boy or girl you love. They love you from 900 miles away, and you can feel it radiating through the envelope. The anxiety and countless sprints trips to the mailbox become worth it when you eventually receive those priceless paper treasures.
If you are currently dating or married to a service member who cannot contact you frequently, always remember your SO loves you and wants to talk to you! The post office on post is crazy busy and their DS could be a real stick in the mud.
If you are new to the military lifestyle, or a seasoned military girlfriend, boyfriend, or spouse, I hope you cherish the letters you receive from your SO and never let the empty mailbox bring you down. Never lose your spirit, and don’t forget to check the mail today!
